Every blogger on the planet (and possibly other planets) is attending BlogHer in Chicago this weekend. Except me. Yeah, yeah, boo freakin hoo, I know.
I WOULD be there but I:
a.) didn’t find out about it until it was too late to get a ticket
b.) don’t fit in with ‘TRADITIONAL’ blogs anyway because I say ‘asshat’ too much and therefore don’t have (stage whisper) M A R K E T A B I L I T Y
c.) had nothing to wear
and d.) am broke.
However, I know all the “cool” bloggers are there, including at least 4-5 that I would like stalk outside their hotel rooms to meet, and probably get arrested and stuff. So, yeah, I’m jealous. And bitter. But, I guess at least I am sitting here in my pajamas drinking coffee with a ponytail and no makeup, because if I were in Chicago right now I would be having a panic anic attack about how I’m too fat and not popular and Jesus Christ, it would feel like high school all over again!
HOLY MOTHER OF GOD I gotta say out loud that I am sick of hearing about it. I have been avoiding my Facebook Home Page and the entire Twitterverse because of the CONSTANT BlogHer posts. Here’s a sample of about what my Twitter page looks like today:
- Myblogroxx Standing in line with @funnychix @lipstickdiva @mommytini WHY, BLOGHER? Why must we WAIT IN LINE? Hope we get a car at least #givemeadamncar
- Girlygirl Where should we eat lunch today? Isn’t someone sponsoring lunch, BlogHer? #iwantafuckingsandwich
- Mommmmmmeee ooh crowds in lobby am i funny/pretty/welldressed enuf to be on this cheerleading team? #tooshyforBlogHercrowds 17 seconds ago ago from API
- Pinkhighheelz The
- JennytownUSA RT @bloggedyblog Dear ChiTown: you call this room service? P.S. Your Internet connection sucks. I am SOOOOO blogging this later. Take that, Windy City! less than a minute ago from TwitterFox
ETC.ETC.ETC.
Yeah, yeah, I know. Sour grapes. Whatever. I love the idea, actually, of traveling out of town for conferences and the girls who are in Chicago right now of whom I am the MOST JEALOUS are the ones who are SPONSORED to be there. I would LOVE to travel free/get away from kids and hang out with other peeps who do what I do.
In a further effort to whore out my blog, coupled with the suspicion that the only people who make money in blogging are People Who Hold Blog Conferences, I am thinking of starting my own conference called BlogWhore, because, really? Let’s just call it what it is.
I would want my conference to have LIQUOR, CHOCOLATE, SPA and LEISUREWEAR sponsors because then we would all be drunk, way happy, and comfy. No makeup at my conference, or hairdos. Everyone gets a baseball hat at the door so they don’t have to do their hair. Huge movie nights, or bonfires, or something- ooh! and hot Chippendale-dressed guys delivering stuff to us. Forget learning shit, we’d be there to just hang out in a casual, non-stressful setting.
So who wants to sponsor/attend BlogWhore?!
OK WTF with my comments being to short and my ehow articles being to short and people calling me a damn pixie on my blog (Love you CB!!!) Apparently I can't just say "I'm in!" and have word press be happy. SO let me just say
That sound FanFREAKINGtastic and I would love to attend your blogwhoring conference in 2010! As long as I can be sure there will be no Pool Parties by which I will have to pull out my flab in a bathing suit and there will be ample amounts of margaritas AND/or wine!
IS THAT ENOUGH WORDS FOR YOU NOW WORD PRESS!!!
What? I have PMS….Geez!
Love it!! But we MUST have speakers… who will only be allowed to give their speech after seven straight shots of tequila!!
Count me in!! My twitter looks exactly the same and I just want to be like, "Auuuugh, STFU already butonlycuzimjealous."
Have no blog (thinking about all the work it takes gives me a migraine) but would love to attend your pajama party. No hard questions, okay? I get that enough at work. Like, "When will you be in?" C'mon. What kind of question IS that? When I can find a parking place, of course!! My other fave: "Where is the report?" That's a leading question, doncha think? So, yeah. NO THINKING. Please. Thanks!
I want to give a speech after 7 shots of tequila!!!
Okay so we get Cuervo to sponsor the official BlogWhore 2010 conference drinking game. Everytime someone says "blog" all attendees must do a shot! You know I'm a BlogHer virgin. So I've been exprimenting by checking out what people are saying. And even though I'd SOOO love to be there because I'm a lemming like that. It seems MUCH like a big infomerical. Lot's of "buy me" crap. Though I suspect our girl Jill is just tearing it up and we'd be the perfect wingmen, no?
I didn't go either. For all the reasons you listed and the biggest one: I didn't feel like.
That was pretty much my deciding factor.
–>I hear you on avoiding twitter and facebook. Tired of hearing about BlogHer! I like your idea Way better too.
http://www.WebSavyMom.com/
Dude, can I be a BlogWhore? I am a cheap date because I am a mom that never freakin goes anywhere and my husband won't let me write bad stuff about him on my blog because his mom might see it…
I have a lot of pent up frustration. I would be lethal with alcohol.
Bring a video camera. Just sayin'
I am not sure whether to seek a real sponsor for BlogHer 10 in NYC or just go for it and actually hold BlogWhore, cuzz you guys are making it sound like FUN! Cuervo shots and shirts all around!
I was gonna say sign me the hell up for BlogWhore, but then I recalled that I'm all offended and put out b/c you said all the cool people are at Blogher. I'm not at Blogher ,and I'm cool as shit. I'm sitting over here in Fredneck wondering why I can't even get people to decline my requests for sponsorship; they just ignore me entirely. I didn't go to Blogher b/c I also didn't even know about it until it was sold out, even if I woulda known I'm too broke to go, and even if I had the cash I wouldn't have gone b/c I would probably be too embarrassed about my bubble gut and my recent acne flare up to talk to anyone (okay, that last part might be a lie, totally woulda went if I had the cash, damn the acne!). Anyway, I guess I'm over you omitting me from the cool list. I'm certain it was a mistake and that you won't let it happen again, so sign me up for Blogwhore. If I'm gonna get screwed figure I might as well be doing it while I'm drunk and surrounded by other whores I love with or without make up on:)
Oh. And fuck Twitter.
I don't have a blog, maybe someday. But, I wanna come!! I can give a speech, just pick a topic and hand me some shots!
ok, PBD. don't get your panties all in a bunch. (no one will wear panties to BlogWhore either- cuz we roll commando like that)
i went back in to the post and put "QUOTATION MARKS" around "cool" thereby implying that WE, the REALLY COOL BLOGGERS are actually at home in our pjs drinking coffee…with a splash of Bailey's!
Not a lot of time for a well thought-out clever comment so I'll just add:
I'm in.
and:
I think I love you.
Oh and echo:
Fuck Twitter. Except I have a real love/hate thing going on with Twitter, so I SAY "Fuck Twitter", but in 20 minutes I'll be all "I'M SOOOO SORRY!!! PLEASE TAKE ME BACK!!!"
Yeah, but right now, fuck twitter. And pass the tequila.
Dude, I am so in. Harmzie sent me and I've actually had to avoid Twitter for fear of finally breaking down and yelling 'SHUTTHEFUCKUP NO ONE CARES WHO YOU HUGGED AT BLOGHER.'
Ahem.
Sign me up for BlogWhore! I will be there with bells on! Sounds like my kind of conference! I, too, feel like I am the lone blogger not attending BlogHer. I feel like that’s all I’ve heard about for the past several weeks on Twitter. Don’t get me wrong, I’d love to be there, too. However, I’m kind of a virgin in the blog world, so I’m still learning my way. Maybe next year….
Dude, I feel you. And I'm AT BlogHer. This is quite possibly the most ridiculous thing I have ever seen. People are fighting over free shit and cocktails are like $12. I wanted to get a keg for my room because I can't believe how fucking tard ass all this is.
(I did not pay for any of this. I won a damn contest from Kodak that my friend nominated me for.)
And I don't fit into any of these categories either. People keep asking what I blog about and I'm all "Uh, well this week I wrote about herpes, my defuncy business and how my son's an asshole…"
Count me in for BlogWhore. I'm soooo there.
I want an invite to BlogWhore. Do we have to be invited? Well, if you don't invite me, I will be a BlogWhore crasher. But as your own personal minion, I should at least get an honorable mention. And, in honor of the BlogWhore announcement, I am going commando right now! And I think that you should charge admission. And the admission should be one bottle of Tequila. Cheap Tequila. And you know the best storytelling Tequila is the cheap kind.
I'm soooo in. But only if the door to the gym is draped in black. And locked.
I used to go to a conference every year at the Doubletree in Bethesda. Excellent cookies and snacky-treats throughout the afternoon.
Can we do a high-low menu? Like the bruschetta/John & Kira's truffles/proscuitto-wrapped melon area, and an array of Doritos, Triscuits and a cheeseball, and Twinkies. That's for dinner, BTW.
Hi, just found this blog via ParentingBYdummies, and think you are a genius.
BlogWhore or bust!
Oh maaaaan! We'll send PBD in with a ticket to the "real" thing. She can suff her shirt with free shit. No one will question her for fear they might just catch that acne outbreak! Then she can bring it back to the party! We all paid with cheap booze to get into. oh oh oh we could get DragQueens for speakers too!
I just deleted my Twitter. Never could come up with anything clever to tweet anyway.
But I'm in for BlogWhore, mainly cause you mentioned my two favorite food groups – chocolate and alcohol. And I can make those my two staple food groups since my kids are grown and I know longer have to be concerned about health and nutritional values. Ok, maybe I should be concerned about my own but what they hey. lol
Oh, and can we get male strippers?
BlogWhore…love it! I'm so in, even if I'm not exactly local. Love your blog, just stumbled upon it through NetworkedBlogs and am hooked on your honesty. I totally relate to your coffee, ponytail, no makeup and PJ's….I think I'll just grab another mug and park my ass a while
I'm not a blogger, however, I make killer JELLO shooters and coconut cake. and could maybe get some Tshirts made up cheap. what the hell I just wanta hang out!
BlogWhore Shopping List:
Male strippers
Jello Shooters
Drag Queens for Speakers
commando
Cheap Tequila
so much free shit that no one has to fight over it
cookies and snacky treats
no gym
Hey.. invite me and I'll make us all some really good shaker shot mixes! Yeah! YEAH!
I live in Chicago, so no travel expenses. I write for BlogHer so my ticket was comp'd. But I'd travel to the ends of the earth and big bucks to do Jell-O shots and watch male strippers.
And can someone arrange to have Frederick's of Hollywood as a sponsor? Crotchless panties would be a great addition to the swag bags.
Also, you know that at least part of the chocolate has to come in the form of giant penis lollipops.
added to BlogWhore shopping list:
Frederick's of Hollywood swag, including crotchless panties, given out by the male strippers
giant chocolate penis lollipops
wow, this is sounding like it is going to be sommmmme conference!
I am nominating myself as a speaker for BlogWhore. My contribution will be Social Media Whoring 101. I would like to mention that we might want to call it something other than “whore” because traditionally whores are paid and for the most part we are not…Social Media One Night Stand 101?
Um…I'm a BlogHer virgin & felt totally left out. So much so that I all ready bought my ticket for NYC.
Uh…I was also jealous as shit at the mofo's who got their butts sponsored & was wondering whose dick I'd have to suck to get my ass sponsored.
Now I want in to BlogWhore!!! It sounds WAY more fun.
Can I come, can I, can I, can I? I can bring a giant penis shaped slab of fudge…my own recipe & complete with um, frothy icing.
Oh Oh Oh – I volunteer myself to make penis shaped cake. And cake balls. And can we have booby cakes, too – I like both.
You will need cake. In the shape of a penis. Because everyone likes some cake after they’ve been drinking heavily. Maybe Eroticakes in Philly will donate on to you. Let me know and I will call them.
Oh, and I don’t write a blog, but am expecting an invite to this gig. I have done my fair share of whoring on your behalf, and feel that I deserve to be there. Love ya!!
I would so be there – love the idea of BlogWhore! And I really would love to go to Izeafest with you. Let's find sponsors!
We're totally in for BlogWhore. We'll bring Corona (and limes, cause that makes it healthy).
But we'd say you have to retire excuse B for why you can't go to BlogHer – if we were able to walk around all weekend telling people that our blog is called Evil Slutopia, you could probably get away with saying "asshat" a few times.
Ha! BlogWhore ftw. You rock! =) Adding you to my daily reads.
Just reading your top ten! Love the BlogWhore conf. Can I come too?