Ok, so as a result of stalking a tweet by @scarymommy, I ended up attending the first-ever meeting of the Maryland Mommybloggers yesterday.
Isn’t our state cute? Look at all our water. Too bad I need GPS to navigate it despite living it for the last 22 years. Ugh.
I was scared to death. I have only worn-out Old Navy clothes, wore a sunhat to disguise not ever doing my hair, and hope the 3 outta 4 kids I was bringing would be reasonably behaved. But the main thing that scared me is that I can’t stand most people, do not consider myself a ‘mommyblogger’ (I am just not that impressed by the crap my kids do to blog about it every day) and am generally an antisocial anxiety disorder freak show.
All that shiz didn’t matter though when I arrived (an HOUR AND A HALF LATE after being lost and going to the wrong playground first- thanks, Mapquest! I’m going to find your server and blow it up). Everyone was amazing- it was soooooo cooooll to meet people who do what you do (that is, if they sit in front of their laptops in pajamas drinking coffee like yours truly). Networking really CAN be fun! So a huge shout out and I encourage you to follow on twitter: @1momof5 @BarelyDomestic @dipaolamomma @ScaryMommy and @thenagainphoto. We all have different-aged kids, but they all got along (my 11 year old made $5 bucks babysitting from a mom who wanted to finish a sentence-ha!- so she was thrilled!) and so did we- swimmingly. So much so that we are planning future MMM meetings (I am hereby inventing Mad Maryland Mommybloggers term because I rock alliteration like that), including hopefully the next one as a Girls Nite Out!
(Funny: my almost four year old son came up to me during the picnic and said “I don’t like people who I don’t like.” I was like- I hear ya, son. He told me later when I asked who he was talking about that a little girl took his Cars hat off because she ‘said she wanted to touch me.’ Now, I am sure it wasn’t the daughter of one of the MMMs, but listen up, potential bunny-boiling little girl: if you ever come near my son again I will be sure you become prom queen, and then also be sure a bucket of pig blood drops on your head when you accept your crown. Plus, I want him to be gay so he will stay with me forever and cook and garden with me. I should thank her for presenting a ‘don’t like people I don’t like’ situation).
I got lost on the way home (Mapquest: DO NOT sleep soundly. I will cut you.) and ended up in downtown DC at the same time Molly was supposed to be at band camp. Oopsy.
I would like to note here that when I saw the sign for Silver Spring, I knew I was getting lost so I called my husband (this is why we have husbands, no??) and do you know what he told me? That I needed to “Turn Left Somewhere.” Do you think I could make that shit up? I was like- um, thanks honey- and you never told me about your new job AT MAPQUEST.
So I turned lemons into lemonade and we went to the Smithsonian. Bobby got to see the dinosaurs, we watched an awesome 3D Sea IMAX movie, went on the carousel, ate hot dogs, and made it home alive by 8pm. So the day was a cool adventure despite Mapquest’s efforts to make me go. insane.
Hey, Mapquest! I have some directions for YOU: GO STRAIGHT! TO HELL!
Oh, the bunny trails MapQuest has sent me on. We should write a book!
Mapquest is the devil. My navigation system, however, is a God send. I'm quite sure it has saved me from near death countless times. And it was awesome meeting you too! Happy to have you stalk me.
Could you be any funnier? Doubt it. And, now for the truth about yesterday…One of the MMM's children (mine, of course) was kind enough to actually demonstrate why I am the proud owner of the blog entitled parenting BY dummies. So, based on that, I'm not entirely sure why PJ&C would count me as one of the "cool" members of MMM. Because after he threw a stick at Chicken Nuggets of Wisdom (who is also hilarious, btw), ripped the tablecloth, spilled a water in my lap, danced on about 100 Goldfish crackers that he was kind enough to throw on the floor, and drank from a puddle, there is little chance that I still make the "cool" cut. I'm content with just ebing able to say that I once met some really awesome MD Mommybloggers, though so very glad that I was there. But, please check me out on Twitter anyway, 'cause my mess is kinda comical.
Lara and Scarymommy and PBD: I heart, bloggy-crushy, and forever pledge my Single White Female stalkerage to you, fellow MD Mommybloggers. (and Lara: not sure- but getting carjacked by band of roving underpaid interns in my pathetic life, sounds like fun!) lol
ParentingbyDummies: but dude, the kid is like the cutest kid in the universe so it is ALL COOL!
Wow…you really did get lost! Good for you for making a fun adventure out of it! (I’m reminded of a girlfriend screaming to her 6 year old – “We’re going to DIE!!!” – strangely enough, that now 30 yr old refuses to drive!)
FYI – I like Microsofts Streets & Tips – you can buy it at Sams Club. MUCH better than Mapquests, “go right 3 times” instead of turning Left once.
I would just like to say that after I posted this, Mapquest started following me on twitter. A trifle creepy? And…guess who won't be using THOSE directions anymore!? All directions I asked for would lead to an abandoned warehouse and some Mapquest Mafioso dudes with shotguns. Creeperific.
Let me pick my big jiggly old PJ wearing (yes I’m aware it’s 10:40, don’t judge) ass up off the floor.. the floor that now btw I’ve noticed, thanks to YOU, needs some cleaning. Thanks so much!! Now I’ve got THAT to worry about too. Where was I going with this comment? Oh yeah. MMM, Map Quest and Momma’s boys. So, now that I’m done laughing and back in my chair I have a confession to make. I was TOTALY crushing on you. Yep, full on freaky middle aged not so single white female crush. Bad hair an social anxiety aside, I want to be you. I myself have been clandestinely researching ways to make my boys love ONLY me for the rest of their lives. Oh, and also ways to rid oneself of skanky white trash 15 year old girlfriends. I want to be cool enough to turn geting lost into a family road trip/educational oppertunity. Instead of melting into a blob of quivering goo and tears at the fact that I’ll be car jacked in east DC by a band of roving underpaid interns.There is also the whole house envy thing. And for the record the $5 was SOOO worth it! As for mapquest, it’s EVIL. I’m telling you the freakin’ government pissed Bill Gate’s geek-god ass off so bad with anti-trust lawsuits that he thought up mapquest as a way to make money torturing, “we the people” as revenge! BTW, looking into that Cuervo sponsorship for ya;0}
Know what I like to do? If someone I don't want to see is planning on coming to my house, I let them Mapquest it. The directions are 100% wrong. I just let them drive around forever trying to find. Best is at night because I live in a creepy lake oriented neighborhood with lots of trees & no streetlights; super dark and scary. I'm a biotch! Mwahahahah!
Hey there,
Sorry, we're not trying to be creepy, we do watch for problems with MapQuest on the web. If you can send me the starting and ending addresses for the route (or routes) that you've had problems with, I'm happy to try to get them fixed for you.
Thanks!
-Casey
Hahahaha! That is hysterical!
OMG! DO NOT talk bad about Mapquest again cause they are obviously stalking you (and probably not in a good way). WTF?!
HOLY MOLY! Mapquest totally did comment on your blog. I am a little freaked out right now. Maybe its because you said mapquest 723 bajillion times in your post. That is still kinda cool. And very hilarious. And totally creepy. :/
Sorry you got lost. SO glad you finally made it. And way proud of you for not getting carjacked by rogue interns.
I have gotten lost MANY times with mapquest. Ihaven't tried it yet, but have heard that Yahoo maps is better.
Honestly, I think a navigator is the only way to go. MapQuest is confusing. Even GoogleEarth cannot be trusted completely. In Europe you can survive without a navigator, especially in Switzerland, which is tint. But here in the US you can end up in a totally different place and drive a while before you realize it! Been there, done that
I'd sure give my navigator to have been there
I'm not familiar with the other ladies (yet), but I would have loved to have lunch with you and ScaryMommy!!
Glad you had fun!!
HI…it was great meeting you in the park at the Maryland Mombloggers day. I commend you all for the moms that you are.
I wish there had been a networking opportunity like the internet when my kids where coming up. Being a mom can be lonely work. Although, rewarding in the end, just look, I got parentingBYdummies from my efforts. What a great gift you give each other.
Keep up the good work.
BTW, I am going out to buy a navigation system today! Mapquest…kinda creepy.
OH MAN!!! They want to "help" you.. they even COMMENTED… hey I'm no Soprano (I just married one) but I'd tape a key inside my trunk if I were you (ha ha). No worries this IRA(wanna be) momma's got your back, slainte
GPS is not the end all to beat all though. I have one and have gotten lost with it several times. Such as this very trip to the park. Also…it puts things about 2 blocks away from where it's supposed to be so there are numerous times I've ended up in a field when I wanted to be in a building. Just saying…
It was fun to meet you though! And your kids are adorable!
Dear "Casey" of "Mapquest,"
I didn't mean to cause a Mappy Flappy.
I was torn between thinking you were a.) the guy I always hoped would one day stalk me in high school b.) one of my mommyblogging buddies messing around and c.) the actual Mapquest… so for the purposes of this note I will make the the assumption (what did the teachers say the word 'assume' did again?) that you are really c.
If it is true that your job is to like surf the web all day to find Mapquest nastygrams, then dude- good for you. I hope you are wearing little map-print silk pajama bottoms and drinking an iced latte on a balcony overlooking the beach somewhere.
Having said that, my advice to you would be threefold:
1. don't comment on humor bloggers sites, honey. You're likely to get like more negative stuff from other funny folks who read me. More negative comments about Mapquest= Casey has to get a job at the mall.
2. And then omg don't ask for a home address (obv I left from home to go to the park.) unless you are planning to send me a huge Mapquesty gift basket full of like, chocolate and flares or something.
3. Don't use the words 'we' and 'creepy' in the same sentence because- you guessed it- it just makes you sound creepy.
The bad Mapquest directions are probably not your fault. It's a universal truth that Mapquest directions notoriously suggest that you, as my one reader said, take three lefts instead of one right. If you want my honest advice, it would be that Mapquest hire some ACTUAL PEOPLE to ACTUALLY DRIVE the ACTUAL ROUTES (or like partner with the Google Earth dudes that drive around the country taking stalkerific photos of our houses) to be sure the directions work. Yours sent me totally out of my way to get to a park that had a much shorter route, but it was a big park with several entrances, so sitting at the wrong playground was my fault (didn't write down celly numbers), not yours.
Good luck with that whole Mapquest PR deal, dude. Come on back and visit us again here at Pajamas & Coffee sometimes- especially if you really do rock map-print silk PJS and drink iced lattes- you'll fit right in.
Cheers, Map-woman!
marymac
Dear mapquest casey,
If you get marymacs address I totally wanna stalk her with you! But if you try anything against my marymac I WILL HAVE YOUR Ass ON A PLATE!
Love,
The Wannabe WAHM
MaryMac – I am sooooooo jealous that MMM's got to meet you. Next time you are lost try to do it in NY so we can meet! I'll pay your 11 year old to babysit!
Mare – GET GPS STAT. Best $500 I EVER SPENT. I am dependent on it like food. and water. Fuck Mapquest and all the other sites (like Yahoo directions which is wayyy worse). I know of a way you can expense it too… call me & I'll tell you.
Google Maps is the best.
(true that. DOUBLE TRUE)
Don't lose any sleep, Mary. Even with your address they couldn't find you (unless they used googlemaps).
MapQuest will never find you in Centreville—–cuz they gotta get a damn permit first. Get A GPS best money I ever spent. Oh and by the way you Rock!
Oh my.. I literally have tears rolling down my face from reading the paragraph about your hubby helping you.
You. Are. Hilarious.
Wow, I love it!
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