And the Douchebag Awards Go To….
35
We all know what we mean when we call someone a douchebag, yes?
actual bag. for douche.
In case you are not aware of the vernacular, I did a little Googling for the occasion and found that, while you can read an astonishing 197 definitions for the term ‘douche bag’ (and another 111 for the compound ‘douchebag’, which I prefer, cuz I’m compoundy like that) on Urban Dictionary, you could more easily settle on the perfectly reasonable one found on Wikipedia:
“Douchebag, or simply douche, is considered to be a pejorative term in North America. In other English speaking countries the term is not well known. The slang usage of the term dates back to the 1960s. The term implies a variety of negative qualities, specifically arrogance and engaging in obnoxious and/or irritating actions without malicious intent. It is generally used for males only.”
A-ha, but not so anymore. Back at Urban Dictionary we learn of the term “douchebaguette.” Although one of the ever-entertaining definitions of this term reads as follows:
“A thin loaf of french bread that a woman inserts in her vaginal canal for purposes of enhancing her pleasure and its flavor for dinner later. Let’s eat a douche baguette for dinner tonight.”
Ahem. Not hungry, thanks. Clearly the term ‘douchebaguette’ was created simply for a feminine version of the pejorative traditionally male ‘douchebag.’ (That’s the thing about Urban Dictionary…people are always making shit up- cuzzzz, French bread dildo? In your hoo-ha? Ew. And ouch.)
Although it was allegedly coined in the 60s, I became familiar with the term in the 80s, in high school, when we used it (and its convenient abbreviation, ‘d-bag’) on a quite regular basis. Just the other day, my husband Bob, myself and our oldest daughter (who was informing us that the term, like most things from the 80s, has once again become popular) were chatting about how there always seems to be a ‘douchebag character’ in 80s movies.
My personal favorite douchebag character was the douchebag lawyer Philip Stuckey played by Jason Alexander in Pretty Woman (who tries to rape Julia Roberts? Seriously.), but alas, it’s out on a technicality: the movie came out in 1990 (note: he is still a douche and a half in that movie).
I’ll sweep YOUR knee, d-bag.
So I mentioned I’d be doing this post on twitter, Facebook, and here at Jammies and Java (wait, did I just give my own blog a nickname? Weird.), and without further ado (and thanks to your fantastic participation!), I give you the list of
Biggest Douchebags in 80s Films: (there are 9, because I am random like that.)
#9 Craig Sheffer as Hardy Jenns in Some Kind of Wonderful (1987).
#8 Chris Sarandon as Prince Humperdinck in The Princess Bride (1987).
#7. Jeffrey Jones as Ed Rooney (the Principal) in Ferris Bueller’s Day Off (1986) (“I did not achieve this position in life by having some snot-nosed punk leave my cheese out in the wind.” Douche quote of the decade.)
#6 a special DESERVEDLY DEAD DOUCHEBAG shout out to Leif Garrett as Bob the Ponyboy-drowning Johnny-killer in one of my fave movies, The Outsiders (1983). (note: how can you resist giving a Douchebag award to Leif Garrett?)
#5 Ted McGinley as Stan Gable (head of Alpha Betas) in Revenge of the Nerds (1984)
#4 Bill Paxton as Chet Donnelly (the older brother) in Weird Science (1985)
#3 Paul Gleason as Richard (“Dick”) Vernon in The Breakfast Club (1985)
#2 (see photo) William Zabka as Johnny in Karate Kid (with an honorable mention Douchebag-in-Chief shout-out to his Sensei, Martin Cove as John Kreese.) (1984)
#1 James Spader as Steff in Pretty in Pink and also as Mr. Richards in Mannequin and ohmygod also as Rip in Less Than Zero. (James Spader deserves like a Best Douchebag Lifetime Achievement OSCAR) (1986, 1987, 1987- this guy was a douche in two films in one year!)
So there ya have it. You know, didn’t get quite as many nominations for Douchebaguettes, (other than “all the Heathers in the Heathers”)- and I’d add the older sister character in Pretty in Pink- so chime in with a comment of your favorite memorable 80s Douchebag/Douchbaguettes.
Because one thing’s for sure: in other English speaking countries, the term should be more well known.
I’m so gonna retweet this post b/c it’s hilarious and can easily be used as a training course for people eager to not be douchebags. I don’t know if others are using this word in today’s day & age, but I tend to use it at least once a day. Which is a kinda scary fact b/c that means I’m encountering douchebaggy people that frequently. Sad, but undeniably true. Currently, I am plagued by two douchebags: 1. That guitar carrying ass hat, Wes, on the Bachelorette, and 2. my boss, who technically would fall into the douchbaguette category. Thanks so much for such an enlightening post. So glad I was involved in the creation part too (I was 1 of the peeps who nominated the Karate Kid d-bag), because I like having my opinions validated. So, thanks for that too:)
I LOVE “Heathers.”
For the female category I nominate Beth, John Cusack’s ex in “Better Off Dead.” Insipid and clueless – blech. How could she do that to my sweet and adorable John Cusack???
For special consideration for the #1 spot, Sigourney Weaver in “Working Girl.”
#7 is definetly a douchebag and more, he is on the sexual predator list now. Here is the link http://www.thesmokinggun.com/mugshots/jjonesmug1.html. I feel he needs to be moved to #1
I’m going to have to give my friend the link to this post because of the definitions of Douchebag.
The other day we were at my house and we some how came to the conversation of insults and how certain words sound like insults but aren’t and how people use some words and don’t know what they are.
I mentioned the recent comeback of the word “douchebag” which went out in the early 90s. Friend said she didn’t even know what it was. My friend and I explained to her exactly what a douchebag was and she looked mortified and could not believe that what we were saying was true. She was shocked. She said that most people who use the word nowadays don’t have the slightest clue what a douchebag is….which got me to thinking…do they even sell them anymore?
I remember being young and watching those commericals: mom and daughter on a row boat in the middle of a freaking river wearing big floppy sun hats and pretty dresses (yes that exactly what I’d wear on a boat instead of say…a swimsuit!?) “Mom, do you ever get that not so fresh feeling?”
Haven’t seen a commerical like that in ages. Maybe I’ll have to pay closer attention when stroll through that section of the grocery store!
Great list, and great topic! I know you like being random with 9 douchebags instead of 10, but the lack of a nice round number bothers me like not having syrup already on the table bothers Raymond Babbitt. May I nominate Zachary “Sack” Lodge from Wedding Crashers as at least an Honorable Mention?
This is gross. My kids read this website and I, as a parent, do not feel they should be looking at a douchebag. You have children so i know you must understand, but wait maybe not considering the end-of-the-school-year party your daughter hosted with alcohol and pot. That event was supposed to have “parental supervision”, that means parents watching what is going on it does not mean the parents are upstairs drinking themselves.
I hope you know many parents are never allowing their children to attend a party hosted at your house.
Hey Disgusted!
I am pretty sure this blog was NOT written for your children to read, and If YOU don’t like it then don’t read it! The biggest douche-bag reader award goes to you.
Mary, you rock! Thanks for making me laugh so hard that I pee myself every week.
Your most dedicated fan,
Finn
Hilarious! I love that every flick you meniton was something I saw (and loved) in high school. I am so coming back to read more. And PS: I’d let my kid play at your house!
Norine
Ooh! Controversy in the comments! My readers love this. Ok. Here we go.
Dear Disgusted,
My daughter hosted an end-of-year party at my house is the only true statement you made. She had 35 kids here. At the time of the party (which lasted from 6:30-10:30) my husband took our other 3 kids to Denny’s (no liquor there!) and I was in my bedroom watching the show Weeds. This was the only ‘pot’ at my house, on my laptop screen starring Mary Louise Parker. My bedroom faces my second story porch which overlooks my pool (stealth supervision is the best kind) where the kids were making NON-ALCOHOLIC frozen smoothies. Believe me, all the liquor was hidden. Do you think I want to waste Jose Cuervo Golden margarita mix on some punk teenagers? No way. Nor was I drinking in my bedroom, as reasonable as that may have been to MOST people. I was on Facebook joking around about drinking to get thru the night. Which means (God help me) that you must be my ‘friend’ on Facebook. For God’s sake PLEASE go to my home page, on the lower left hand corner of the page and hit that REMOVE FROM FRIENDS button so I don’t have to deal with you again. And congratulations on your LIFETIME DOUCHEBAGUETTE READER ACHIEVEMENT AWARD! I will leave your post here forever (and by the way, your email address registers to my my admin account, so I’ll have the pleasure of having to walk by you in the grocery store while you’re buying your douche supplies) so my readers can enjoy your unique blend of “variety of negative qualities, specifically arrogance and engaging in obnoxious and/or irritating actions.”
surelly this is a joke, right? can anyone be this lame?
Dear Disgusted, (Is that what people call you for real? Or just how they feel when they see you?)
Here’s a thought… Be a REAL bitch and be upfront with your identity. You come across as a whiney assed, judgemental douchebaguette and a coward to boot with your anonymous comments.
I think Mary Poppins has a blog somewhere.. maybe your kids should read that. Otherwise I recommend NetNanny for the lot of you.
good point, Anne! Don’t these ‘good parents’ have filters on their kids’ internet that would stop innocent children from seeing my inappropriate posts? what kind of parental supervision IS THAT?!
I was glad however to hear that parents won’t be allowing their children to come to my house which means I won’t have to see THEIR PARENTS!
Trust me… the more holier than thou the parents are, the more their kids are out there indulging in crap. It’s all about cosmic balance or something.
Wow all I can say is Wow- I read P&C to laugh, your a writer for goodness sake! Please. I thought it was funny and so if people don’t want to read it just don’t! keep me smiling PLEASE! We all need a laugh once in a while!
Hello!
I just had the pleasure of reading “Disgusted”s little love-fest.
To which, I must admit, I was a little disgusted myself.
I want to clear the air- and say that what they said is NOT true,
I was NOT giving any of that out (why the heck would I?!), and it was not in my possession.
I was obsessing over the house being clean and a good playlist being made, not whether or not some shady high school kid was bringing crap to my party.
This “Disgusted” person clearly does not know me enough to know that I wouldn’t waste my time “giving out” (wtf?) things like that. I am really sick about the whole thing, and the fact that someone would accuse me. What is this, The Crucible?!
“Disgusted” can give me a call if they have any further accusations they want to take care of.
-S
Hmmm… “Disgusted”
Obviously you did not witness any of these events going on(because i can assure you that you were not there) therefore you can not tell us what was going on and what wasn’t. I would know, i was AT the party. and i can assure you there was no pot or alcohol there was VIRGIN strawberry daiquiri’s being made by MY friend which contained : ice and strawberry daiquiri mix. I’m a hundred percent positive there was none of this alcohol that you speak of.
This whole thing is ridiculous and if the parent truely has issues with these lies maybe he/she should man up and not bring them up online over a blog? Are we in middle school?
& your children and or you dont HAVE to read this blog
they choose to, if you or your children don’t agree or like it, DONT READ IT easy enough.
Kinda makes me wonder what kind of goody-bags “Disgusted” has seen at parties.
Wow, Sounds like we missed a great party….!!!
Hey Disgusted,
I just thought I’d let you know that any good parent screens any and EVERYTHING their children read on the internet before their kids ever set their eyes on it.
Instead of casting your moral judgements upon HUMOUR BLOGGERS and spreading your obvious douchiness around, why don’t you spend less time on posting anonymous vitriol on the internet and try parenting your children.
That way you won’t have to worry about humour blog posts morally offending your precious children’s eyes and we won’t have to waste our time reading your ridiculous comments.
And as an added bonus, not only will I tell you how to parent your children but I’ll also let you know that if you want to post your venom on a blog, grow a set of testicles and don’t hide behind anonymity.
Because that just makes you another douchebag for us to make fun of.
Funniest part? The ass hat spelled disgusted wrong. Freakin’ hilarious! I love when I get hate mail from people who can’t even construct a sentence or, as in your case, spell their own “name” correctly. Oh, and if your kids really read this, then you are digusting!
Wow…this WAS entertaining….MINUS the Mary Poppins comment. I assure she’d be disappointed because even on Blogs about Mary Poppins….we tend to talk ALOT about Wine and Margarita’s. Sorry to disappoint there
You rock Mary Mac!
Thank God for people like DISGUSTED for making an already entertaining blog even more entertaining!!
ps. That poster couldn’t be more jealous of you if she TRIED – the post was bleeding green. Incidentally, those are the kinds of parents whose kids are potheads/druggies because their parents are wayyy naive and/or too horrible to live with so escape is necessary for survival.
Marybeth… SO sorry! It’s what popped into my head at the time… and after I posted I remembered someone out there is desperately seeking her inner Mary Poppins and might read this. I just crossed my fingers and legs that she wouldn’t notice and want to kick my ass for it (since I’m a fan, a BIG fan… and possible stalker)
Oh it’s ok Anne….just no Margarita’s for you this week
All I have to say is that “Digusted” is a truly pathetic moron. If you can’t comprehend the difference between humor and seriousness then you have serious issues. If you can understand humor and this blog isn’t your “taste” of humor then feel free to log off this blog and find another one.
Isn’t this blog up for a FUNNIEST blog award? Hmmmm Yeah… given that I think I’ll draw the conclusion that everything on this blog is 100% fact, no embellishments, and nothing to spice it up again.
Yep, Mary you are a truly horrible parent! I mean, sheesh, you actually let your kid have a party so that you can SUPERVISE them….. I mean that is soooooo much more worse then just letting your kids go out and party… I’m sure they would have rather met at the park and read Bible Scriptures but instead they got stuck at your hell….errr your house to have a good time.
“Digusted” you might want to get yourself a reality check…or a life. They are on sale down at Wal-Mart.
Hey Disgusted. I’m a bit confused….your upset your kids saw a picture of a OTC medical device but not of the countless ” f-bombs”??? What made you think this site was for kids?? P&C is adult humor. This site is not for kids or adults who act like kids.
ROCK ON MARY!
Dear Digusted
I believe you fully deserve the verbal bitch slapping that has rained down on you from the smarter side of the online world.While I find it tempting to offer a sarcastic comment about the lynch mob parents ‘not allowing their children to attend a party at my house’, I won’t. What I will do is provide you with the legal definition of libel for your consideration prior to any future posts you might be considering:
An untruthful statement about a person, published in writing or through broadcast media, that injures the person’s reputation or standing in the community. Because libel is a tort (a civil wrong), the injured person can bring a lawsuit against the person who made the false statement.
GAME ON!
Holy shit. Just killed my whole 45 minute train ride reading all these comments. I LOVE YOU!!! Hahahahahahhahaha.
I thought a “Douche Baguette” was an it bag by FENDI. My bad. I’m so embarrassed right now. I actually carried around the douche baguette you have pictured and thought I was being trendy. What a faux pas!
Ha! Awesome list! I won’t touch on Disgusted as she got the riot act she deserved.
I’m trying so hard to think of someone else I think should be on this fine collection, but you really named them all. Particularly John Lawrence…Whiney, nasally voice on a bully. True Douche baggery…
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Great list! I think Bill Paxton as Chet personifies the d-bag.
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