Are You a Good Witch Mommyblogger or a Bad Witch Mommyblogger?
38
You gotta be fucking kidding me.
Apparently there’s a debate raging in the blogosphere, more specifically (God help us) the ‘Mommyblogosphere’ about ‘bad moms’ versus ‘good moms’ and how some bloggers are like pretending to be a ‘bad mom’ because ‘it’s cool,’ and they are almost ashamed to admit they are really a ‘good mom.’ The best synopsis of this debate can be found in this post by one of my favorite bloggers theredneckmommy.com. She summarizes the issue well, including links to original posts.
You wanna know what I think? (as redneckmommy points out… if you don’t, help yourself to that big red “X” in the upper right hand corner of the page.)
I think that with like 10,000 blogs out there, readers should be able to find a few they enjoy reading. What is the matter with people that they feel like they have the right to go out and judge everyone?
There’s a 92-year old woman who lives in the house behind mine and she always says “It just wouldn’t do if we were all alike.” (of course, she says it like in a cluck-cluck way after she’s been talking smack about someone, which I think is hilarious.)
She’s right.
Whether you are conservative or liberal, serious or funny, religious or agnostic, etc etc – there’s a blog out there for you. My last post, on a dead goldfish, earned me a little nastygram comment by someone who wrote “What I find in this post is drinking, cussing, and a lack of respect for our Creator. I hope you are feeling better. Maybe your heavyhandedness does not pass for humor.”
I deleted it. Shouldn’t have (because now, in retrospect, it’s a riot), but was self-conscious about it and embarrassed. I should have responded:
Dear Asshat: You are reading the wrong goddamned blog. Do you really think I drank tequila over a dead fish? Get a fucking grip. P.S. I feel fine.
Which brings me back to the whole bad mom/good mom thing. I do not ‘pretend’ to be a bad mom or a good mom or any kind of mom on my blog. (Why is everyone so preoccupied with labels anyway?)
I’m just me. In the real world, as well as here on the blog, people either tend to love me or hate me. It is my hope that the haters will simply avoid me in both the real and virtual worlds. Chances are, I will not miss them, as those real people, AND those oh-look-what-a-chic-mom-I-am-and-how-cute-my-kids-are and come-win-a-free-giveaway bullshit blogs annoy the crap out of me anyway.
I have to say one thing I think is missing in the ‘debate’ is an understanding of the concept of sarcasm (do these preppy, minivan-and-sliced-apple blogs really think we so-called bad-mom bloggers inject Grey Goose into juice boxes via syringes on field trips? Because that would be FUNNY, but chances are no one actually does it.) There needs to be an understanding of writing style-or, what we are really talking about, which is VOICE.
I was a newspaper and magazine writer for nearly a decade and a half before I became an online writer. I’ve been a mom for 15 years. I have four kids, though I suffered three miscarriages between #2 and #3, so I’ve been pregnant 7 times. I grew up Catholic, pretty poor (still am!) and the oldest of 6 kids in Pennsylvania, live on the Eastern Shore of Maryland, and am a liberal Democrat. All of these facts are things that influence my writing, that give me a different ‘voice’ than someone else.
There are days I am a ‘bad mom’ and days I am a ‘good mom’ (and I would take a bullet for any one of my kids no matter what ‘day’ it is)- I just choose, in my writing, to describe things I find funny in a situation.
Does my reader want to hear about how fantastic one of my kids were in their soccer/drama/recital? Because to me, that would be boring. So I’ll try to find something funny in my everyday life and write about that. (and I better get back to it soon, huh? Ugh with all this intellectual yakkety-yak.)
Every day I am thankful to have readers. When someone comes up to me (or comments on the blog) and tells me they regularly read my blog, I am thankful to the point of feeling guilty that they have spent the time.*
If there are any other bloggers reading this, I’d say this: hone your own voice. Don’t try to become what you think someone else would like- that makes you a phony. Be who you are.
Cause it just wouldn’t do if we were all alike.
*which reminds me, spend one more second and please click the box to the left and vote Pajamas & Coffee for Funniest Blog? I promise to get right back to your regularly scheduled ‘funniest’ after this soapbox post. I heart you guys.
Amen sister! You nailed it, once again. And please don’t delete the mean/crazy/creepy responses from the overzealous whack job Christians/(and/or)self-righteous mothers/overall freaks because all they are really doing is providing further entertainment to an already entertaining blog.
Well well well! Once again I find myself agreeing with you and maybe its because I asm like you in the sense that I speak openly and have never had an issue with it. I am sarcastic so when I write it comes out sarcastic. I don’t believe in muting oneself or toning down your way of “type” to conform to some stupid mommyblogosphere.
To those perfect little mommies that never cuss, drink, smoke or have an off day with their children…I send you a big FUCK YOU! Actually I don’t… I just feel sorry that they have to LIE to theirselves saying they don’t do any of the above listed things.
In a perfect world, we would all be perfect parents with perfect kids in our perfect house but guess what…its not a PERFECT world its the REAL WORLD!
Many props to you Mary. Keep on writing just the way you are because I throughly enjoy seeing new blog posts from you because I know they always have two things in them. 1. HUMOR 2. HONESTY!
Fuck those “perfect Mommies”! they are the ones who’s kids will be in therapy because they are so stressed out from being perfect all of the time.
You said this way better than I did on my blog. And I think you used fewer words too.
heh.
I want to grow up to be like your 92 year old neighbour.
And I want to wave my cane at youngsters and pinch men’s arses just to freak them out when I get old.
Thanks for writing this and getting it.
I love your blog by the way.
Smooches.
Jenny, Jenny, you’re the girl for me (in a totally non-gay way, dude.).
My week? Has.been.made. There is an actual ‘heh’ (PLUS the bonus coolio Canadian spellings of ‘neighbour’ and ‘arses’) on my blog from the actual redneckmommy and she loves my
(faints)
Just accidentally deleted the most awesome comment ever written, but I’ll try again…
Just found you on Twitter and wanted to weigh in on this post. I’m not sure if I am a bad mom pretending to be good or a good mom pretending to be bad, but I’m pretty sure I don’t give a shit. People who don’t like me can suck it. I know I love my kids and I don’t have them tied up in the basement;even though some days they deserve it. I do like to do giveaways from time to time, because frankly I like free shit. And, I do tend to talk occasionally about how awesome my dudes are because,,, they are. Don’t think it takes away from my general msg too much: that I suck daily but from time to time I rock so hard that it makes up for my general suckiness. I do know that I like your blog, it’s interesting and funny and I like that I can cuss on it, ’cause cussing is fun. And, it’s nice to find other MD bloggers who don’t talk about the Lord in every. Single. Post. Not that He’s not awesome, just you know, I like to hear about some other shit, too. Oh, and it’s good to have confirmation that sarcasm is funny (believe it or not some ass face actually sent me hate mail to the contrary. As if!). So keep doin’ what you do, cause if you don’t you might start to suck, and we don’t want that:)
Do you hear the applause in the background…because that’s me. I’m a mom, both good and bad depending on the moment, with boys who face it..are mostly bad but so darn cute. I’ll write about the soccer etc but only because in some way my kids have somehow taken control. I like your blog. Don’t change a thing! and btw I LOVE sarcasm. It’s how we communicate in Chicago. I have people who misunderstand it all the time. COME ON PEOPLE!
Oh, and the only reason I don’t cuss more on my own blog is b/c my mom reads and she gives me pure hell about my language. I swear, @ 31 years old that woman still rules my life. And, yes, I’m immature like that. Plus she likes to hold things over my head, and since I’m weak, it works:)
Your neighbour is awesome, in spades. And, yeah, what Tanis said: kudos for getting to the point in far fewer words than either she or I managed
And, thanks. Bad mothers need all the support they can get
You it the nail on the head twith this one- Rock on!
I meant to say hit the nail on the head.
MaryMac, you make my day!!
You are always SO funny ~ and why do so many people think you can only get along with people you are LIKE? I am a conservative Christian, and I probably blog about WAY boring stuff, cause for me it’s more diary than “here world read this” (ok – truth is I have no talent for writing, but hey, we can’t all be like you – see different!!!) At any rate, I TOTALLY got the sarcasm, and LOVE it!!! Don’t change your style – I’m a great mom who has LOTS of bad days – it’s called LIFE! That’s what drew me to your blog – that you are REAL and you are YOU! And in spite of our differences, we’re all moms and we can relate!!! Keep up the good work!
You gotta get over the Catholic guilt thing
If we didn’t want to read, we wouldn’t … good, bad, funny, sarcastic, none of us are perfect…even in the blogoshere!
“oh-look-what-a-chic-mom-I-am-and-how-cute-my-kids-are” LOL!!!! That is soooo me! I also LOVINGLY drive a mini van and I definitely slice our apples as well. hahaha
I think your blog rocks. I could be biased since I am an ex-Catholic but I can appreciate a little humor any day. Don’t change a think and keep it real!
A friend just promoted your blog via email…
You, my dear lady, have articulated my my sentiments exactly… I feel as if I have come into the light…
I’ve said these very things over and over to friends…
The number of things you and I have in common is amazing!
Thanks for writing this in a cohesive lovely essay!
I did indeed vote for you and I am about to go through and read your previous posts…
Then, like a viral computer worm, will hijack my entire address book and share the link to your blog!
The Internet is full of people who seem to go out of their way to search for reasons to be outraged. And then, once outraged, they feel a subsequent compulsion to share that outrage with others. They seem wholly incapable of understanding that (a) there are all kinds of people in the world, and (b) sometimes it’s a good idea not to take everything you read 100% seriously.
Fuck ‘em, I say. Keep doing your thing.
thank God I finally have a crazy cat lady for a fan! woot woot!
thank you all for coming by to read!
Anonymous: don’t be embarrassed about the apples- i just give my kids bananas because i am lazy.
Ok – you? Totally awesome. get ready because when I find you at Blogher I’m going to give you a huge hug, for not being a bullshit artist like sooooo many, and for the fact that said bullshit artist annoy the crap out of you as they do with me, while others just oooh and aaaah in amazement and them, and I want to scream: Seriously?
So thank you!
Thank God you didn’t drink tequila for the goldfish. Everyone knows we do jello shots when the goldfish die. Geez, Mary. Tequila is only used when blankies are lost. Didn’t you get the latest bad mommy memo?
Wow u hit the mark there!!! I completely understand you! I had recently given up on writing because my mom said she didn’t care for my blogs… she thought I shared too much information and was too spontaneous. I wanted to give up but soon realized I should keep blogging. I figured the best way to rebel was to keep blogging rather than get a skull tattoo and worship the devil. So I continue to write when I have the free time.
I read a blog and the headline says “The worst enemy to creativity is self-doubt”. Thought that quote was perfect.
I think Mommy bloggers need to stop fighting. It’s stupid. But your blog is not. I get a lot of emails about my cursing and stuff. I just say, “Thank you very fucking much” and move on… You Rock!
Not much new that I can add so I’ll just add my applause. Thanks for such as well written post.
As for sarcasm, my 10 year old now runs a translation service for my younger children when I speak. I regularly hear him saying to them “Mum’s just using sarcasm. She really means the opposite”. My kids now have very finely tuned sarcasm detectors – it’s my gift to them.
As far as making nasty comments on blogs, I’ve come across a blog or two in my time that just wasn’t my cup of tea. I’m a bit tech-retarded, but I still managed to work out how to navigate away from the page and move on to something else. If I can do it, anyone can.
Well said! I have been reading your blog ever since I found out about it. I love your honesty, your brutal tell it it like it is honesty! That is what keeps me coming back!
The blogging world is cut throat and there are so many “I am better then you” bloggs out there. So many bloggers are two faced. I agree with you 100% except for the “Giveaway Blog” comment…. I co-own Mom’s Most Wanted which is a Giveaway site. Yes, all we do is giveaway stuff… come visit us and win, win win BUT we did not get into doing giveaways for the free stuff or anything like that. We are both business women and we wanted to help out other buisinesses by showcasing them on our site. It is just something that we do for fun and to help out other Mom’s just like us who are trying to build a business. We actually both have our own personal blogs where we write… but I am not as honest as I would like to be on my blog. I had some horrible experiences early on and now I just never really say what I really want to say for fear of more backlash from it. I admire those who do blog like you and just say exactly what you want to say with no fear.
I come to your blog for a great laugh, a great read and the truth and I hope that you won’t knock giveaway blogs forever!
Mary, You crack me up! Don’t change a thing. When I need a laugh your blog always comes through!
Claire: I totally do not mind giveaway sites that say they are giveaway sites (who doesn’t love free stuff?!) – just, as a writer and journalist I don’t like to see the line blurred between advertising and content. Which just came out sounding stupid and snobby. Sorry. I just get tired of being spammed all over twitter and Facebook (where I am trying to hang out and slack off from my online writing work!) with a million coupons and stuff. We all gotta make money somehow, though, dude, and Mom’s Most Wanted is totally cool- so don’t think I was hatin on it. Rock on!
I think I love you.
Yepp! We are not all alike, basically what I said over on mine. each of us is different and well guess what the diversity does work.
Of *course* I don’t inject Grey Goose into my kids’ juice boxes. They get the Dimitri – what do you think I am, MADE of money?
Shhhhh. . . . . I think I hear the universe applauding!!!!!
I want to be like your 92-year-old neighbor, too. Hell, I ain’t got all that long to wait for it, either.
Amen sister! You spoke for so many of us. Thank you thank you!
word.
So many never write about anything but avoiding their kids. Get a life. Do something. Write about that.
The posts about my life get more comments than my giveaways, that always amazes and delights me!
I know. It drives me crazy that folks will stick around long enough to get annoyed and leave a nasty comment. If you don’t like it find another blog. peace.
YOU ARE HYsTERICAL AND I THINK I AM IN LOVE!
I saw a funny comment you made on obnoxioussahm.com and I just knew I would love your blog. I get here and this is what I find! HAHAHAHAHA
I saw that topic floating around a few blogs last week but I didn’t even pay attention because I really don’t give a shit! (I am so immature… I am laughing my ass of because I wrote the word “shit”…. and now I am laughing because I wrote the word “ass”)…
Anyway, agree that the little stepford wives can suck it! sometimes i am not even sure when the last time I washed my hair was and every morning my baby has to wait 5 or 10 minutes before mommy can unglue herself from the bed (she is almost a year old, she’s fine).
Reader peeps: I think I am in love, too. Stop by Jammies and Java anytime, yo.
Yesssssssssssssss! To each his own. And f*ck the naysayers!
Now pass the gin!
I don’t care if your a “good” mommy or a “bad” mommy, I’m just glad you have a potty mouth and called someone an Asshat.
Brava! Brava!