Hump Day: “My Penis is Crooked”
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Actual marital conversation:
marymac: “I am doing a review on the “Clone-a-Willy” for Hump Day- it’s a kit where you make a mold of your penis. So I’m going to be needing your penis for that. Because mine is too big, obviously.”
BOB: “Um.”
marymac: “Ha! It’s like the song Dick in a Box! ‘Step Two: Put your junk in that box’ ”
BOB: “I don’t know if I can do it.”
marymac: “Do WHAT?! I’m sure you just like stick it in there and then it hardens – HA!- and then there’s like a mold of your penis, just like you’re a porn star!”
BOB: “My penis is crooked.”
marymac: (hysterical laughter, for like 20 minutes)
BOB: “I’m not kidding.”
marymac: “Um, honey? We have been together since JUNE OF 1985 which is a QUARTER OF A CENTURY and we have had FOUR KIDS together. Don’t you think I would have noticed if there was a bend in your dick road??”
BOB: “You never noticed?”
marymac: “ARE YOU KIDDING ME??? NO!!!!!!”
BOB: (goes to computer, looks up Clone a Willy kit) “Oh. There are special instructions if your penis is crooked.”
marymac: “Your penis is NOT CROOKED. Your BRAIN, maybe, but not your junk. Maybe it’s my vag that’s crooked.”
BOB: “This is a serious condition. I should get disability benefits.”
marymac: “OOOOHHH! Can I have your handicapped license plate? For better parking spaces at Target?”
So now, yeah. He agreed to ‘put his junk in the box’ and next week on Pajamas and Coffee, which is paid edenfantasys.com sponsored post week? I’ll be reviewing the “Clone A Willy” kit (because that fucker EXISTS, dude) and we will find out if Bob needed to use the (snicker) ‘special instructions’ or not.
___________________
Next Week: Hump Day: Clone-a-Willy
You know this is funny. OMG, I just had a conversation with my ex ( whom I am best friends with) he told me that his wife did this for stocking suffers for her best friends( I am not one, btw). So funny that you mention this… LOL
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Disability! Your husband is hysterical!
And I think they are all crooked… or at least most… just guessing (that’s my story)…
Brahm´s last blog ..If Matthew Perry and Dr Phil had a baby…
Too funny ” we have been together a quarter of a century…don’t you think I would have noticed”
I really like the part where you tell him that his Brain is crooked. So all of these years he has thought he had a crooked penis and that something was wrong. good luck with fixing his ego now.
Do we get to SEE his willy statue?
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i will ask him.
I love Wednesdays!!! lmao this is awesome..I can’t wait to find out how it goes..I’ve been trying to get my husband to clone his for years (you know…for when he’s out of town). But srsly..Bob you are a great sport.
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As you know my husband is gone too much(like your husband), so I too have been trying to convince him to “clone” his package! Now I can say, “but honey Mary’s husband let her!!!!”
and let her BLOG ABOUT IT! haha. OOH! I am giving away a Clone a Willy kit next week, too! A new one. Not the one my husband used. Cause, ew.
Better crooked than teenie wienie.
agreed
OK not to ummm side with him or anything cause I have never seen it but ummm did you know a man can have a kink in the plow line that may lead the penis to become crooked. YEp a man can actually break their penis and have a life long scar that results in that bend in the river flow..I saw it on Dr. Oz..
It just keeps getting better and better. Hahahaha. I can’t wait to read that review!
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LOL! Oh the way men worry is funny! Thing is, my ex actually has the real condition of this bent weiner sydrome. And uhh…it wasn’t like that when we got together all those years back but he developed it during our relationship.
So I sorta broke it.
I’d feel really bad except….he was a total jerkwad. KARMA PEOPLE!
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dude, you BROKE it! that’s pretty cool, actually!
I can’t wait for next week! This is So funny!
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This is fantastic. We could put it on the shelf next to the plaster hand imprints of the kids.
Of course we’d cover it with a hanky when G-ma visits.
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I think Wednesdays are my new favorite days! Can’t wait until next week!
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No way! I’ve been fighting to get disability approved for six months and all I had to do all this time was send them a pic of your husband’s junk????? GAHHHHHH
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not sure how it is all going to work out yet, but maybe we could just send them the cloned willy?!
You need to fake him out when you’re doing it that the mold won’t come off. But on video – so we can see his panicked expression!
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Just like a man to worry about such things! I love that he thought he should get disability cause ‘it’s serious’ but even better that you might be able to get a better parking spot at Target!!
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Omg I love it clone a willy…..you guys are so funny!
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It took him 25 years to tell you this? How intimate are you two… lol
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LMAO!!! I’m just glad to know I’m not the only one with a crooked penis. Forever, I thought I was the only one. It’s not like I see w whole lot of other guys wangs, and it’s not the kind of thing you bring up at the card table. “Hey guys, take a look at this. Is this normal?” LOL
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You’re just throwing my package out there like the boomerang it resembles.
I feel fortunate, though, that these sex toy reviews not only entertain the PJ&C audience, but also allow us to finally discuss this and “straighten it out”,
Well, the clone will tell the story. I seriously hope that I am not suffering from some mental disorder that causes me to think my junk is crooked (Mary’s diagnosis that she finds hilarious). Maybe I should start a support group – Crooked Penis Anonymous (CPA).
and THAT would be funny because you ARE an ACTUAL CPA so your business card could say “BOB, CPA, CPA”
Never fails. A great post, a huge, wicked smile for me. Do you and BOB ever stop laughing??
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I heard on good ole Dr Oz that when an overweight man loses weight, he gains back length. I wonder if I could get Hubs to clone his to prove that? Of course, just knowing that trivia gem wasn’t enough motivation to stop the snacks and burn some calories…
Things are still fine in that, erm.. area, but who wouldn’t want to maximize what they’ve already got?
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To the left? ‘Cause whenever I ask my hubby, “How’s it hanging?” He answers, “Low and to the left.”
TMI? LOL
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u, am thinking *I* am the last one to say “TMI” when you are writing about your hubby’s junk, here…. lol!
Dude. I totally just rolled on the ground laughing so hard I almost peed.
I can’t wait! lol
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You are totally gonna get the prime parking places at the mall now! Wonder if they have crooked dick signs that you can hang from your rearview mirror…. Can’t wait to read the review next week!
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My husband would have been all “There isn’t a kit big enough for this beast.” Bob is way more original.
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I suspect they’re all a little crooked, in much the same way most women’s breasts are not exactly symetrical. But I doubt many women notice unless it’s waaaaaay crooked.
I dated one of those waaaaaay crooked guys. It was when I was younger and mostly inexperienced, and I had no idea that crooked penises even existed. Startled the crap out of me! Heh. But I recovered, and it got the job done (if you know what I mean), so no harm no foul!
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LMAO! I’m going to suggest this to hubby – he’s kind prudish so it should be entertaining!
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Hilarious. I love the idea that not only could you go for disability but that it could be linked to better parking at Target, nothing like finding a silver lining LOL.
Why do I now I have that damn Beyonce song in my head “To the left, to the left….”?
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You had me at the hilarious title! How can someone not read on!
I have to give “BOB, CPA, CPA” a lot of credit for being such a good sport!
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It’s all fun and games till someone gets their crooked eye poked out. Seriously? You guys MUST do a music video to accompany the “procedure.”
LOL!!! Can’t wait for the review and high five to BOB CPA CPA for being such a good sport!!
Already loved you and now I love your husband too!
“This is a serious condition. I should get disability benefits.”
Hilarious!
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rofl – oh my I had to pass this on to friends …
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OMG. I am DYING. i now have a reason to live another 7 days.
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OMG. thanks for getting me to laugh out loud. your husband sounds like a really really really good sport!
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Found you via Stefanie and so glad I did. One of my ex’s was crooked. You would know alright. Looking forward to reading the product review on ol’ Willy!
Mama Mary´s last blog ..so that’s where mommy brains go
I tried to talk the hubby into one of these! When he’s away on business I might need to get down with HIS business….He’s not having it.
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