Fuck a Duck
128
Full disclosure: This is my first sex toy review. I believe I had worse performance anxiety from writing this post than from actually reviewing the toy!
Additional full disclosure: EdenFantasys.com sponsored this post, and supplied me with the- er, plaything.
Meet JD.
I named him JD after Johnny Depp, because he is a pirate.
You might also notice he is a duck. Yes, he is a vibrator rubber ducky.
As in:
Rubber Ducky, You’re The One
You make bathtime lots of fun
Rubber Ducky I’m awfully find of you (doe doe doe dee doe)
Every day when I make my way to the tubby
I find a little fella who’s cute and yellow and cuddly…
Only minus Ernie.
Now, when JD arrived in his little treasure (pleasure?) chest box, I admit I was a little nervous.
I mean, he was sort of winking at me. And like, we just met. Isn’t he going to buy me a drink or anything? (And also? If my four year old son sees this thing he will think HE is the one with a new toy…)
But my husband took all the kids out to Denny’s (the ghetto kids’ meal of choice) and dammit, I am a journalist and had a sex toy review to write, so I inserted the AAA battery and ran a bath. On the box (heh, she said ‘box’..) it said the “I Rub My Duckie” (his actual name) is waterproof. When I opened the instruction sheet, I noticed there were directions in six languages but that one of them did not happen to be ENGLISH, so I was a little concerned about my lack of product education.
Here’s his product description:
Mr. Pirate-I-Rub-My-Duckie gets to hang out on display in your bathroom, with no-one ever being the wiser about his built in vibrator. He’s fun to take into the bath or shower to massage all your tender spots – be they adult or simply knots in your neck. He’s firm enough to press down upon for a deeper massage, but his beak and tail tip are also pointed enough for precise application of his vibrations.
Did you see that?
His beak and tail tip. I would like to add that his head (his hat is removable) is- um a nice size for those ‘knots in your neck.’ Ahem.
Warning: take the hat OFF, dude! Do you want to explain to the twentysomething emergency room intern that you have no goddamn idea how a miniature pirate hat got jammed up your Chattahoochie?
Also? He is billed (get it? billed?) as a “Travel Toy” as in- you are getting into an airplane with him. As in: going through security. Can you imagine how that would go?
Homeland Security uniformed officer: “Um, ma’am, we saw a rubber ducky on our x-ray and we’re going to need you to take that out.”
You: “Rather than take it out in front of everyone and explain to you what it is, you’ll have to take my word for it that it’s a bomb. Just take me to jail.”
But anyhoo, who needs instructions. What could go wrong? Right? I mean, obviously they have already worked out the whole ‘electronic device in bathtub’ issue, so I dumped in some bath salts and fired up the “Sin in a Tin” candle they also sent (yumm! cinnamon and pheromones!)
Insert the Marvin Gaye “Let’s Get It On” music and we are all set!
Luckily I have a big old original clawfoot tub in my 1881 house, so it’s nice and roomy and comfy and I am like gettin all relaxed in the bubbly tub, and I’m all ready to have sex with a rubber ducky.
I turn him on (hee…he’s an easy man to turn on, baby!). I apply him to the affected, um, ‘tender spots’ and I’m like mmmm, not bad, ducky friend. So I get like into a little- you know- ZONE with him and I’m all chill and vibrate-y and whatnot and I kind of space out because suddenly I start hearing a splashy, dripping sound.
I open my eyes and I have managed to fill up the entire huge, 6-foot clawfoot tub to overflowing and there is water running all over the bathroom.
This is not orgasmic AT ALL. Fuck! So I sit up (splashing more water out, of course) grab/throw towels, turn off the water, vow to not accidentally drown myself, and get back into the tub and my duck VIBE.
“Fuck a duck” is a phrase, you should know, that I happen to say all the time– and that phrase now has a whole new meaning for me.
So I’m putting the HO in Yo Ho Ho with my pirate friend for awhile (Arrrggghh) and then something happens. I hear…silence. He’s not moving.
HOLY JESUS, I’VE KILLED HIM!
I jump out of the tub, which is now cold from the running of all that cold water when the HOT water ran out when I wasn’t paying attention. I start shaking JD.
“JD! DON’T DIE! I WASN’T DONE WITH YOU! You HADN’T FOUND MY HIDDEN TREASURE YET!!!! WAKE UP!!”
And now? Yes, now I am DOING CPR on the duck. I open his battery pack area and am cursing myself for letting him be submerged underwater for that long, and goddammitwhywerenttheinstructionsinEnglish so I take out his battery. Now I feel some water sloshing around and so I put him in the sink and start pounding him on his little ducky back and bouncing him around, and omg I still hear water inside him so I START SUCKING IT OUT of his hole.
I am giving a motherfucking rubber ducky a motherfucking blow job now.
And then I think of something.
What if it was just that his battery was dead, not that I drowned him?
So I put on a robe and go get him another battery. And wait. For him to dry. And rest, because he is probably- um, tired.
And then?
Because I am a mom of four kids, guess what happens?
They all come home.
Disco duck time OVER. Is that ANTICLIMACTIC or WHAT?!?!?
Fuck a duck!
But now, a few days later, JD is back, better than ever like the naughty little bad boy pirate he is and he’s ready for some swashbucklin. Maybe in shallower water.
I bet the kids will be happy to go to Denny’s again this weekend for dinner.
_________________________________________________
Want free sex on the internet?* EdenFantasys.com is giving one of my lucky readers a $25 gift certificate! Just in time for slutty Valentine’s Day stuff! Want to win? Just leave a comment. That’s it. You can write about this post, your fave sex toy, or why you deserve free sex. Too embarrassed to leave your name? Make up a fake one- just be sure the email address is real so I can notify you if you win! Winner will be chosen tonight at 8 p.m. (EST) using random.org and announced here and on twitter (follow me @marymac). Isn’t that ducky?!
*now that was just fun to say, even with all the pornbot followers I am going to get now.
Ok, first – I seriously snorted my morning coffee through my nose thinking about the little hat getting, erm, stuck in a very inconvenient place. Nice of them to mention that the hat comes off.
Secondly, I also say “Fuck a duck”. Now I don’t know if I can ever say it again. Thanks.
And – CPR on JD? and all the additional attention? Girl you are a credit to your product sponsor.
Absolutely hilarious. I hope you and JD get a chance at a second date.
LMAO!!! I’ve got tears running down my face. I almost choked on my hard candy, and the more I read, the harder I laughed. The blow job finished me off. I had to just spit it out.
I have always been partial to the bunny. That’s my erm…little friend. Actually – he’s not so little. Anyways, I purchased my first bunny many, many years ago and eventually it died but that’s not tragic. I mean – what’s the average life span of a rabbit anyways? I think mine lived a good life. And then this year I finally recovered from the heartbreak of losing my first rabbit, and I purchased another. For the record – I spent more on my bunny then I did on a new grill and my new vacuum cleaner (Note: I didn’t buy a Dyson vacuum cleaner. But I did buy the Dyson of bunnies.).
You gave a rubber duck a blow job? You kill me! My biggest problem was that it took me 20 minutes to figure out how to get the damn batteries in. 20 minutes is a looooooooong time in that situation. My hands were all shaky and shit and I was like: FML – all I want to do is bond with my new pet and I don’t even know if it takes AA or AAA batteries!! Apparently my bunny didn’t come with instructions either. I guess we’re just supposed to know how to do this stuff.
Mary….there’s a whole new respect for you my lady. I’m like..LOVIN THIS POST! ok naming him JD was totally hawt, and I mean hawt…cos I so have a thing for Johnny in that pirate outfit.
Then I lost it at your overflowing the bathtub scenario, because although that probably was the first mood setter-backer, it’s freakin’ hiliarious.
But omg, he nearly drowned! He was quackin’ all over your tender spots and like…DROWNED?! I’m glad he’s ok though, just really dissapointed that the kids ate so damn fast. Didn’t they have ice cream?!?!
Me, I’m with Rogue – me and my bunny have had lots of romps in the meadows together. I recently got myself a new bunny, since the old one was…well old (sorry honeybunny, it’s just like that) – ya know I never knew bunnies purred until he came into my life. It’s so sexy.
Great review!
Jeepers that killed me. It doesnt help that I am watching childrens TV with my 10 month old and seeing every new toy in a totally different light now.
Ive broken many a bone in the past and deffinately not have liked any of the doctors in the ER seeing my ‘ahem’ with any foreign objects where they shouldnt be.
Looking forward to the next review more so than ever.
Good job!
Kate Collings
xx
Awesome review in so many ways, and I do love pirates (not of the Somali sort though). I’m still laughing at your “hidden treasure” — heehee! If I win a gift certificate, I will actually poop myself.
OH MY GOD..friggin’ hilarious! I have learned never drink coffee and read one of your blogs. lol Terrific review..this Mama could use a new toy! lol
Instructions? lol….. and I am really disappointed to think that Johnny couldn’t complete the deed. I will never look at him the same.
Thanks for the morning laugh.
I’ll never look at a rubber ducky the same way. Now I’ll know what is going on when my wife takes bath toy to our clawfoot tub. This review could qualify as TMI … although I do have one question … did you ever find the instructions in English? If the instructions were in French did they come with a warning? E.g. Le petit canard pour une stimulation clitoridienne directe. Attention le canard du sexe peut être formation d’habitude, consultez votre médecin avant l’utilisation.
OMG!! That was great…..the rubber ducky song has a new meaning!
Hi, I’m new here and OHMYGODSHEDIDAREVIEWOFASEXTOY!! This was great!! You have nothing to be worried about! Holy crap I gotta get me a ducky, (Even moreso cause you made that JD reference and he’d TOTALLY my boyfriend!) Just hope my kids don’t find it… LMFAO!! Thanks for the laugh!
Best. Post. Ever. :-p Yeah, those kinds of toys always seem like a much better idea than they actually are :-p And, I don’t know if I’d get the duck if I won the gc, just because my luck would be that the girls would find it and want to make it their own (they especially love pirates :-p)… but that is just awesome! :-p
Did you have lots of bubbles in that bath? You should did in my visions, because I needed something to hide your modesty!
It occurred to me – Mr Ducky ran out of batteries before you found your ducky nirvana? Either you’ve very hard to please, or he’s like a typical man!
This.Is.Your.Best.Post.Ever.!!!!!!! I may even forgive you for the whole “evil cheerleader thing” yesterday.
Now on to cleaning up my computer screen. I spit my coffee out on it while reading your , ahem, review.
That? Was freaking awesome.
Ok, wow. Now every time I hear someone say “fuck a duck” I will think of this post
Beyond hysterical. Best post ever. Evah!
I have seen those ducks in stores and never gave them a second look… now will have to struggle to look away!
My mother says “fuck a duck” a lot, now that is totally gonna creep me out.
I’ll never look at Ernie the same way again!! Or rubber duckies for that matter.
May I suggest the high drain device batteries for little JD. It would be like mechanical Extenze.
Great post! Can’t wait for the next one.
Laughing so hard had to excuse myself from the damn staff room! While the ducky is nice, it’s kind of a moped and this girl needs a harley davidson! The wonderful world of vagina spelunking is amazing and liberating! I can’t wait to read your review of say “mr. Big!”
Wow.
First of all, I did not have any “coffee issues” this morning while reading your post, not because it wasn’t funny, but because I decided to abstain until after reading it. I do learn from my mistakes…eventually.
Wow.
Second of all, I’m easy. I like easy. However, this, um, toy, seemed like a lot of work. I mean, it was completely deceptive. Who knew that a vibrating water-proof duck could be so difficult? Not only was he difficult, but why would any mom want a toy that’s hard and reminds them of their children? We already have that. A husband. Right?
Wow.
I like pirates. I like the ocean. I like toys. I like baths. But maybe putting them all together is just a simple case of “too much of a good thing.” Do they have any other themed ducks?
Wow.
Oh yeah. I really loved the whole “miniature pirate hat lost in the Chatahoochie being found by twenty-something intern at the E.R.” scenario. Priceless. Plus when you think about it, what a way to meet a twenty-something intern. Just sayin’ Hey, maybe they have a Doctor Duckie.
Wow. Great post and kudos for pulling it off with humor.
This was hilarious! And I could NEVER get past the thing looking like a kids toy. Thats creepy, lol
You rock! Thank God I wasn’t drinking anything reading this! I may have to go get a ducky of my own after this!
Funniest sex toy review EVER!!! I love it!
Too, too funny! Thanks for making me smile, I mean LMAO, in the morning!
Fucking hilarious. The chortles turned into full-out belly laughs at the end of this. And I’m sure you could find a use for that hat. What if you put it on your hubby’s willy and make him a swashbuckler for an evening? You could even paint a little* eyepatch on his Johnson.
*I don’t know if it would be a little, medium or big eyepatch. That’s between you and him. It was merely a figure of speech I was going for.
So Stinking FUNNY! oh and pick me, pick me for the give away! lol
You might as well just change your Twitter photo cause I now have an image of you burned in my head that is not going away anytime soon. That was so filled with awesomeness and I can barely stand it. Will have to read it again because I was laughing so hard I am sure I missed some things. The hat in your lilly was particularly hysterical. Dude. Funny Shit!
This entire post gets an A+. From dubbing the duck “J.D.” (yum) to the whole Chattahootchie comment, you win the prize for best post ever written! I sincerely hope that you are able to revive your new bath time buddy for a round 2.
I have a dolphin “friend” that is also waterproof, and wouldn’t you know it, his nose and tail tip do the same magical things your duck does. I agree with trying a better battery- the Lithium variety last forever in electronics.
You’re awesome.
Pirate suits are hot!
O M G!!! Very funny and the best “first time with a (particular) toy” story I’ve ever encountered.
Hope your second try goes better!
Great post! Really funny stuff here. I often wondered how people traveled with items like this. Now I know that they are all cleverly disguised as childrens toys tucked away safely in their suitcases. I don’t get the removable hat. Sounds risky. I love all of these innocent comments when we’re all thinking the same thing. I HOPE I WIN THE GIFT CERTIFICATE.
Girl, you “quack” me up! Awesome job on your first review.
I laughed and laughed great post. Best laugh I have had all week.
“I am giving the motherfucking ducky a motherfucking blow job”
ROFLMAO……You are a great writer.
Ok, that was hysterical!! Now I too need a duck…I often have knot in my…ugh…neck, yeah that’s it. Now as for the TSA thing, honey they won’t say a thing about your duck. I’ve gone through with 5 pounds of x rated chocolate without a peep. Though I did get a smile when the lube samples and condoms fell out of my very kinky boots in my carry one when they searched it. And speaking of that, I believe that the marshmellow filled large chocolate cock would taste great while playing with the pirate duck. Since you have JD, can i possibly has his counterpart, OB?? I gotta love Orlando Bloom my disappearing pirate.
Best sex toy review ever!!!
OMG! That is the funniest thing ever! Thanks for such a great laugh!! I think this single mom needs a rubber duckie. ha.
You’re a lucky duck! Too funny!
LMAO! Oh my dear… Congratulations. This was a personal best.
Good night Charlotte that rabbit is history bring on the fowl baby!
How the hell did you manage to a: review the Dirk Digler of Rubber Duckies (Ernie’s is feeling like a poser now.) and b: do some of your funniest writing ever AT THE SAME TIME?!
I’m in awe.
Best frickin post ever!!!!!!!
Oh hell that was funny!! Thank you for the hump day (ahem hehe) giggles. And the public service announcement, no tiny duck hats in my Chattahoochie
Wait, so are you guys just being all nice about the post because you want to win the FREE SEX? ok, I get it now. I mean, i thought everyone liked the post, but you guys are all ‘eyes on the prize’, arentchas? Anyhoo, I am just self-conscious enough to believe that, just for today, you guys actually thought I was a good writer! lol I mean, if it TALKS like a duck and WALKS like a duck….
And don’t worry, I will be sure whatever number comment this is doesn’t win me the gift certificate- HA!
Love all the comments (lol on my husband ‘wearing the pirate hat on his willy’) but um, Jamie? I want to party with you, dude- the shit you carry through an airport includes a marshmallow filled chocolate cock? I’m in.
While teetering on beastiality, AWESOME POST!! Though…I can never watch Howard the Duck again. Not without the pirate duck, at least.
Quacktastic.
AWWWW! Hope your Catholic guilt and anxiety cut you a break, hon! When you start talking about the fucking duck being the new man (um duck, I guess?) in your life we’ll all understand.
I love the fact that he comes in his own box and I’m certainly checking out the sponsor for sin in a tin! I love that name!
Don’t think I could have the duck in my house; 3 boys and the liklihood that someone would want to play with it the *wrong* way (i.e. playing with the duck the way rubber duck creators intended) and the second its discovered that the thing vibrates & has a removeable hat…oh God, I just can’t even go there. I wouldn’t be able to stiffle my snickering.
Hope you get a second date soon!
Thanks for the fabulous laugh, and great writing. The visualization is great, specially on the overflowing tub.
And you killed the duck! too much.
I had to take a good 5 minutes to stop laughing at some good part of your posting.
Thanks for having the gutts to bring this on your blog as well. It is refreshing to read real life expereinces on subjects people usually shy from.
All that said, I am using Fuck a Duck from now on, thanks for the smiles it will bring when I do!
Best.Post.Ever. LMAO!!!
I think this was my favorite sex toy review EVAH. If for no other reason than this kind of crap happens to ME all the time! (Only never yet with a pirate vibrator duckie…)
Thank you for making my day! This is hilarious…I laughed so hard and am going to get all my friends to read this….
i’m not sure having a sex toy in the same house as kids is a good idea…for 1 little kids who would play with a rubber duckie tend to put them in their mouth….and well once you know where it’s been-do you really want a child to mistakenly get ahold of it and do this?? EWWWWWW…I’m even grossed out typing it.
Second, I’m not sure an adult with no kids having a rubbie duckie in their bathroom (unless you hide it) is normal either!!! Maybe they would have to switch the bathroom motif to Rubber ducks and then they could have the little pirate duckie sex toy!!
LMAO
Are you freaking kidding me?!?! You STOLE Johnny from me right under my beak?!?!?! THIS IS WAR!!!
Damn!
Where to begin. First of all, this post is too funny for words. My sides are aching and I’m having to explain to all my coworkers why I can’t stop laughing.
I’ve killed vibrators before, but none of them were personified. So, it had to be traumatic.
I’m forwarding this to the world.
thanks, Mary!
Quite possibly the best review I’ve ever read.
Ever noticed that the majority of vibrators have some kind of animal qualities?? Ducks, rabbits, dolphins, hummingbirds…hmmm. Why is that?
You are hysterical. I love it! I need a duck to fuck too.
Holy crap you’re funny! Not sure which part made me laugh harder (you need a “don’t read in public or at work where you’re supposed to be working and not reading blogs” warning), the bit about removing his hat or giving the duck a blowjob.
That was hilarious! I have the bondage duck one, but he doesn’t have a removable hat. Poor bondage duckie. Amazing post.
I live in a 600 ft apartment. If I didn’t store pirate hats in my Chatahoochie, where would I keep them?
LOL… that was a very funny post. Now to go to Eden Fantasy and start writing reviews for them so I can get free toys.
My baby niece is obsessed with rubber duckies, now I can never buy her another one or look at her collection the same again.
Great review, I’m a fan and will be looking forward to reading more.
iheartsweeping@aol.com
I laughed at this so hard! I could almost see the whole event!! The worst part after all that you didnt get the grand finish!!
Like you when I am in a groove I do not know what is going on. I had a candle lit by my bed once to “set the mood” I was enjoying my new toy and started to get hot… The candle set other stuff on the side of the table on fire!! Yup that killed my play time!!
Now more mood lighting for me!!
That was the best sextoy review I think I’ve ever read! I love it!
This is the funniest thing I have read in a long, long time, and I needed it today. You are fucking brilliant. Hope you and J.D. have a long and happy life post resuscitation.
How FUNNY! I was laughing till tears were in my eyes
I LOVE JD 
So funny! Although, I’m not sure I could get past it being a duck either.
Holy shit, how have I not found you before. I laughed so fucking hard. Dear christ you are twisted. Just so you know the whole song is (a la row row row your boat)
Fuck Fuck Fuck a duck
Screw a kangaroo
Finger bang an orangutan
Orgy at the zoo
I will definitely be reading more of this. Your puns were awesome. You (gulp) quacked me up.
Ha.
Love the review! I was cracking up. I deserve this because I’m in a long distance relationship until march when we get married. I can use all the help I can get while we’re apart!
Greentd@vcu.edu
Not sure I’m into the whole sex-with-animals-thing because I don’t “eat meat.”
Does Eden Fantasys offer a vegan vibrator option? Like red cabbage, kale or spaghetti squash?
i have the caterpillar from big teaze toys where you got “JD” from and let me tell you this thing is bigger than it looks and feels pretty damn good to boot!! its got nubs along the back and little nubby ridges on the sides and the head sits up so its shaped a little like a “L”. Lets just say if you get that head on the right spot your gonna have a very wet spot by the time your done due to the vibration and size alone!!!! I got “Pinky” from a drawing from the website last summer and have loved it since!!! Only downside is it takes c cell batteries!
My kids got ahold of it when i first pulled it out of the box and put batteries in it and have not touched it since due to i turned it on and put it to their backs.. nothing like seeing a 2 year old freeze in their tracks!!! I was laughing so hard i nearly pee’d myself!!
So funny. I used to say that all the time in college. But it now has new meaning …
An alert tweeter just brought me the following news update: it is ERNIE’S RUBBER DUCKIE’s BIRTHDAY TODAY! I couldn’t make this shit up- check it out!
http://rubaduck.com/articles/rubber-duckie-song.htm
(scroll down)
Awesomeness!
Hope he liked the- um, gift from me!
1st time reader and almost cried from laughing. We have the same tub and I think I would like the same duckie. Ha.
I have 3 minutes and I’m using them to beg. Really. I need a rubber duck because I live in a housefull of men/male children and I am badly outnumbered. My hormones need all the help they can get.
totally not entering the comment numbers at random.org til 8 pm- as a proud procrastinator! ok- here i go…
And the winner is: HUDSON! Random.org chose comment #59 and maybe the $25 gift card will help HUDSON pick out a new toy since HUDSON set the goddamn bedroom on fire last time! (That’s HOT!)
Congrats!!
And thanks everyone for ‘playing!’
In other news- I have a cool “Dirty Dishtowels” giveaway on Friday- so come on back!
For some (ahem) reason, I have also been offered an organic lube blogging opportunity for next week- am I going to need a new BLOG NAME?!
I had a blast today, you guys.
Thanks so much to EdenFantasys.com and all my quackadelic readers for the fun time!
HAHAHA I laughed so hard while reading this. Great job!
I have a Flower Vibe and I love it. It is waterproof though so it doesn’t die when it is ‘over-watered’
I love how discreet it is, and I think I would like the duck as well. However, I live with my sister and she has four small children so I wouldn’t want them to find it and think of it as one of their toys! Haha.
Thank you for this. I needed a good laugh.
Only you could turn a review into entertainment!
But, you said the f word… Shame on you marymac!
Hysterical….puddles of funny.
For once it’s okay that I’m late to the party. If I had a fuck a duck, hubs would revert back to 3 yrs. old and be waving his fingers under the bathroom door while saying: can I come in?…can I bath too?…
I’d never have another peaceful bath again.
This is flipping hilarious! Sorry the duck didn’t get the job done! LOL Please feel free to review a new toy any time. Too entertaining!
LOL Oh this post is a riot!
O.M.G. funniest review evah!!
Hilarious! Best review I have ever read!
Reviewing sex toys, how do you get that gig? This story was classic. I kind of like the idea of the duck for travel purposes. I am a Pocket Rocket girl myself and am scared to take it with as it is kind of obivious when scanned. I have been looking for something more travel friendly. The Rocket placed in a Tiffany jewelry bag isn’t exactly fooling anyone at the airport.
That was the best review ever! lol Love it! Hub cracked up too! You’re imagery was perfect! Right up to the ducky blow job! haha
Oh My Gosh! First I am new here.. And OMG!!! I am dying at this post ~ this is hilarious!!! I love it… I think I am going to head over to get me duckie of my own!!!!
Love it, but word of warning: http://refashionista.wordpress.com/2008/07/18/rubbing-my-penguin/
They’re irresistible to children.
I’m not embarassed to leave my name – hells no! Sign me up for free sex toys. And you are my new favorite blog.
OMG. LMAO! I can’t even imagine keeping a straight face while, um, using the duck the way it’s intended. Can you laugh hysterically while, hmm, getting to THAT mythical place? I would also feel a bit guilty. A bit wrong. Sort of like some men spanking them monkeys to a Barbie or something… Just be careful to tuck it away. You don’t want your kids to get their hands on the ducky…;-)
p.s. The funniest moment was when I envision what one could do with the ducky in the bathroom on a plane. Duckies on the Plane. Great title for a porn?
I’ll never be able to order Peking duck again. Too freaking funny!
That was the funniest thing I have read! You have my sympathies for what happened, my adoration for trying out JD, and my appreciation for a great story, a very believable, wonderful, funny story!
I have no kids as home to worry about them, but at one time…woman I feel your pain. Better luck on the weekend!
wow that is an interesting review, very comical that’s for sure, one question though, is the ducky worth buying? or would it be best to buy something just a bit more pricey?
An update… My children were singing rubber ducky, you’re the one! in the car yesterday, and all I could think of was your intimate bits and the pirate hat. So thanks for that!
Yep. This is why I gave up…uh…bathroom activities. Someone always walks in on you.
Thanks for reading and for your great comments, dudes!
I am so pleased this post passed my previous post record of 85 comments- and believe me, this one was MUCH MORE FUN!!
Now I am obsessed with having 100 comments on this post, so I just may keep commenting myself until…ohmygosh, that reminds me, the dude hasn’t claimed the prize on this post! Will send him one more email and if he doesn’t respond I will do another drawing!
Another thing: I forgot to use the phrase “Shiver Me Timbers” in this post and also wanted to say I put the HO in Yo Ho Ho. Heh.
so funny with the hat and then the cpr. laugh out loud, thank you.
i could just see it.
great review.
That was hilarious! “Holy Jesus, I’ve killed him!” really got me going. You’re trés way gifted. Much luck with your writing career.
Too funny… Can’t wait to introduce the rubber ducky concept to my wife… Considering how much it quacked everyone up here, I’m sure it will she will love it!
HeSaid/SheSaid´s last blog ..What If We Gave It A Little More Thought?
i don’t think i could fuck that duck. it’s too…i dunno…un-fuckable and way too…duck-like. not enough jd. if it had jd’s face, THEN i think it would be a different story. but that looks too innocent and sweet to put anywhere near my whoo-ha.
melissa´s last blog ..Winner Of The Toast Birmingham Onesie Giveaway
p.s. that was, without a doubt, the funniest review i have ever read.
melissa´s last blog ..Winner Of The Toast Birmingham Onesie Giveaway
OMG! That is hilarious! I haven’t laughed out loud at a blog post in a LONG TIME! I’m still laughing!
The whole duck being a vibrator kinda freaks me out a bit though.
Sarah @ Smallslice´s last blog ..Wordless Wednesday
That was absolutely HILARIOUS (and very well-written, I might add)!!!! That’s all I can say….
[...] The Girl Scouts got in touch with her. They were concerned, because she wrote about selling cookies on the same blog she used to write other things. Things like — wait for it — a duck-shaped vibrator. If you’d like to read her product review (“Fuck a Duck”), head on over and check it out. [...]
That is the FUNNIEST THING I have read in a long time. You are one brave woman. Not for trying out the duck (ha, Freudian slip, I nearly typed DICK) anyhow but for posting a review of a sex toy. I would have to call EMS and have them on standby in my dad’s neighborhood because he reads my blog. Really, that is soooo funny and a great story. I just sent my husband out looking for a rubbery dickey.
Shannon´s last blog ..Just Say Yes.
Do we get to hear how take 2 goes or should I just start searching the web for my own little pirate and find out for myself?
I’ll never hear the rubber ducky song without smiling again…
Jennifer June´s last blog ..Minus the drug lords and the death threats that is…
I’m following Things I Can’t Say and she said to come on over.
I was unaware when I woke up that my namesake would be so popular.
::wiping tears:: DAMN, I’m a proud mommie.
- Well, off to tea with the in-laws.
Cheers!
Jessica (AKA JD) :0´s last blog ..It Spawns the Monkeys
CAme by from Things I can’t say and am so glad I did.. I used to sell adult novelties. Trust me when I say I can give ya tales that make ya feel much better about your lack of “adult” novelty use lol. This was way funny though..
Angel´s last blog ..Eek I almost forgot my award from this week…..
LOL! This is hilarious…soooo have you got a chance to use him yet to his full potential?
Popping in from Shell’s blog…
Hilarious! Depending on how round two goes, Denny’s make have some more frequent customers?? lol
Honey B.´s last blog ..New Year’s Resolution Rerun
That was amazing!
And I get to say I knew you when you were not using these things. Didn’t I get to go on your first hunt for naughty toys — was that G-town? (No pun intended, there!)
Since you asked so nicely, I decided to comment but, I get to pick which article!!! Too funny, Mary! Thank you for sharing and I hope you and JD get some quality time soon.
So I started following to late to get in on this contest…but damn you had me in stitches! You are one funny lady! I not sure I could get it on with a duck. Somehow just seems wrongish. My friend has a bananna friend-not sure how she works that out either.
Angelia´s last blog ..Like a good friend or a good bra…
This is is one of the funniest things I have read in a long time…thanks for the gut busting laugh! oh and if you do re-review it..ahem…lets just say, inquiring minds want to know.
Christie´s last blog ..Introducing: The Gunslinger by Stephen King
Good and funny review!
great story about duck !:)
ADULT DOLLS´s last blog ..Adult Dolls – Sophia Santi
really funny story! thanx for sharing!
I just stumbled upon your place today and saw this post. Laughed like a lunatic. Great writing.
Nolie´s last blog ..Wonderful Blog Post – When you thought I wasn’t looking.
Wow. this is a very funny post! Totally! Actually, we bought one of these during our Philadelphia dating getaway! i didn’t know back then that this is a sex toy. Since it looks like the duck I used to bathe with when I was a kid!
Great conference today. I was already on your site looking around when you mentioned this article. I’d seen it and was thinking “What the F?” LOL
Ashley Ladd´s last blog ..Monday Minute Fiction: Holding up the Contract
OMG, I am crying tears because this is too fucking funny!!! Thank you SOOOOOO much for the great laugh – you are awesome!! I am following you on Networked Blogs!!
Patty Zasloff´s last blog ..Shannon Zasloff becomes a Golden Eagle!!
Patty- Thank you so much for reading!
OMG, I am peeing myself over, to darn funny!!! I am definately going to follow you…… Oh by the way, have you heard of Love U parties? Same concept but our toys are green, as in good for your health and the enviroment. Email me for a website address. dearal@tampabay.rr.com
Holy. Shit. Hilarious.
PLEASE tell me they’ve secured your brilliance for future product reviews!
Well done.
KalamazooMomof2´s last blog .."We are not Art Van"
every wednesday
Hump Day!
poor little drowned duck.
You are one brave women, funny and entertaining. I am now following!
Kirsten´s last blog ..Loyal and Online Customer Incentives
Loved it! Tooo funny!!!
That is hilarious…funniest thing Ive read all week.
You made me laugh!