I’m Not Hip- But She Is
23
This is my first ever guest post at Pajamas and Coffee. Hollah!
I am currently at Disneyworld with my hubby and 4 kids searching desperately for a “Villain Flask” in which to put my Mother’s Cure. So, while I go get in line for the Haunted Mansion again, I’ve asked a bloggy pal to fill in for me here at PJ&C (I am writing via the automated ‘schedule posting magic’ of WordPress).
Let’s all give a big warm Pajamas and Coffee welcome to my IRL* pal Jen from Hip as I Wanna Be (@MammaMania on twitter- go. follow.)
Now I am always making fun of Jen because she has what I like to refer to as a “Butterfly Shitting” blog wherein everything is always pretty and happy and no one says the ‘eff word,’ and instead of ‘Free Shit Friday’ it’s ‘Fitness Friday’ and whatnot, but seriously? I’m kinda jealous of like her whole like make your life better vibe and whatnot, because I am over here running out of new ‘Douche’ terms and all.
I love Jen. She is one of my BBFs (Best Bloggy Friends) in the world, and I appreciate her coming by to give us some words of wisdom. This is me and Jen (the prettier one. bitch) at a photo shoot (by @blondephoto- stalk her she rocks) for a Maryland Life article we’re working on together**:
I will STFU now. Heeeeeeere’s Jennie from the Block:
Bloggy Tourettes
by JennieG of Hip as I Wanna Be
I shit butterflies.
No really, I DO. Ask Mary. She’ll totally vouch for me. I believe she has already outed me as a matter of fact.
It is a sickness.
See, I have this little blog of my own called Hip As I Wanna Be. Which is cool and all but like, MY DAD READS IT. (He is even a subscriber.) And like, MY AUNT AND MY HUSBAND ALSO READ IT and people I WORK WITH even found it. So I can’t really say certain things, you know?
Like – fuck.
Or shit.
Or FUCKTARD. (My favorite Mary-ism besides “Mombies.”)
The irony of the situation I find myself in is that in real life I am a complete trash mouth. For real. I let it fly on a regular basis. (It’s part of my charm. Ahem.) Do you even understand how hard it is to NOT cuss like a sailor on my blog? Pretty damn hard.
I mean the blog is supposed to be MINE, right? And I am supposed to be able to say what I want, right?
Notsomuch. My father once personally called me to tell me that he felt that my “Bite Me Recession” post was a bit harsh. Because I said “bite me.” Um, apparently that phrase is “un-lady like.” Yeah. He so totally said that.
Oh dear Lord.
I am how old again? (Sigh)
For awhile there I would send out random Tweets (@MammaMania) lamenting the state of my life in decidedly colorful language. That is until people in my community found me and started following me. Stopped that shit right away.
Arrrgghhhh!
So the way I get around this little debacle now is by letting my inner blogging Tourettes Syndrome Mamma flow while commenting on OTHER PEOPLE’S blogs. Genius, right? Oh yes, I am a regular truck-driver-mouth commenter. Of course the problem with that is people think I am cooler than I am and then they hit my blog and find out I am… well, APPROPRIATE. Still me, but more… “appropriate.”
So in honor of this lovely guest post and the fact that NONE OF MY RELATIVES or my colleagues (*wink, wink) know that I am here, I would just like to leave you with this one profound thought:
SHITDAMNMOTHERFUCKINGRATBASTARDDUMBASSWHOREFACE
Okay, I totally feel better now. Have a nice day!
_________________________________
*In Real Life
**yes, my laptop is Marcia Brady orange. Shut UP!
Am rolling around crying my eyes out with laughter at this post. Some of my friends from anti natal class are the opposite to be and yet we have remained good friends since having our children nearly nine months ago.
Look forward to the next entries.
xx
Holy balls! (that’s Amish for Shit)
I can relate…really relate. Why must I have a blog my family, friends & kids read???
That’s it…I’m on a mission to pick up a pen name and let loose on the wurld…or whoever will listen:)
I also have fam/coworkers following my blog and I try to tone it down a little. But really, I’m a complete potty mouth all the time so why the hell am I censoring myself? You just gave me something to think about
I so feel you on this one. My wife, parents, in-laws and the rest of the family look at my blog and say, “Why did you have to use the word ‘damn’.” Really? I hear you curse out the guy at Dunkin’ Donuts for forgetting extra skim milk in your decaf and you’re shitting on me for “damn”?
That’s why I come stumbling over to PJ&C to say fuck the world every once in a while. Plus, MaryMac is my Eskimo Sister.*
*I don’t know if that’s true, but I get around so it’s not out of the realm of possibility.
Fuck Bitch you know you’re a motherfucking suburban house wife, so let the shit fucking fly for fuck’s sake.. ahh ri eet?!
(indulging my sailor-mouth-inner-ghetto-comment-queen-alter-ego-super-hero-persona) . Ya know Jennie G, I think the reason we are Mary’s IRL cronies (read hangers on) is because she is soooo COOL! We sit back and say “tell it Mary, WOOT!” but we’re too chicken shit (or in my case nuggets) to bust out with the douche speak. GO MARY!!!
Oh, I liked you before, but now? I love you. I had no fucking idea!!
haha, your folks sound like. I try very hard to to swear on my blog either, in case my mother finds it via facebook and reads it. My Dad once got bent out of shape when someone made a rude (but funny) joke on my facebook page – and I have to explain why it’s just in jest!
Hahaha, awesome Jen. You go girl!
VERY funny! Potty mouth comments – that’s a good idea, because I feel the same about my blog. Lots of my relatives read it so I have to be very careful. In fact my brother and uncle were slightly disturbed about my post last week concerning a certain yeasty infection. I’m going to hop over and check out your site now . . .
Now I have to check out your blog Jen! Nice guest post
Although I am not afraid of swearing on my blog there is definately a huge part of my life that I do censor for certain readers..
That part being the part where i need to vent about my husband/or am fantising about having affairs and/or having naughty dream involving men other than my husband.
My Husband reads my blog.
What was I thinking?
Also, DIGGING the leery colored laptop Mary!
OMG I do this all the time. I get all riske on my blog when I use words like “dammit” and “sucks,” because oh lordy my GRANDMOTHER reads it and then I go on other blogs and comment using *ahem* colorful language and then sit there terrified that one of my conservative followers will also go there and READ MY COMMENT.
Shit.
I have to keep my blog posts clean for the exact same reasons!!! GRRRRR! In a post about Sesame Street Live, I wrote that my son was like “WTF” when the lights came on for intermission and was BOMBARDED with emails from my old coworkers, family and friend asking what was wrong. They seemed concerned that I used WTF in a post…wasn’t like I spelled FUCK out or something! Good grief.
This was awesome, great post Jen! LOVE IT! I am still laughing.
Holy crap that’s so funny, and so bang on!!!
OH MY FUCKING HELL! I had NO Idea! I am always afraid you are going to get O-Fuckin-Fended by my mouth and now I find out you are a closet cusser? wtf?
I understand, my mom’s best friend reads my blog. She told my mom and my aunt *gasp* how terrible it was when she read The Hubs guest post. Bwahaha!
I’m all like, when I let it fly, I do at least post a warning for those of you with over-sensitive sensibilities!
My mom and sisters all read my blog and they usually just say “ohh Randa” My dad however would say the same thing if he could find my blog, I don’t think he fully understands the internet. I dunno I guess since I write in my own voice everyone in my life is used to it now.
I’m glad you could come here though and just let loose! That’s great! And also good that you have a very family friendly blog!
OMG, Im dying here. I have to run a “clean” blog but sometimes the sheer stress of it makes my eyes twitch & invokes a muttering of never ending monologue of THOSE EXACT WORDS. ^^
You read my mind.
I am part of a morning coffee group and I am the biggest potty mouth there but the rest are close behind me.
It is our inside voice. The one that is inside our heads. We don’t hold it in because we will explode brains across the whole room and it will get in people’s coffee.
I curse more than my husband. He doesn’t mind. My son once asked why there are bad words and then he wondered why. “They are just words” he said aloud. I had to agree but then he called me a motherfucking bitch and I had to wash his mouth out with soap. Just kidding. That was a different time all together.
Well shit. You know this is a great blog when everyone can come here and let it all fucken hang out!
I love to come here and curse if I want to and know that I’ll never get in trouble (-:
Great fucken job Jen!!!
That was great! Thanks for keeping us entertained while Mary is away enjoying her family time. You fuckin rock!
Okay, you all rock for saying all of those cool things!! Glad I am not the only one hiding behind the veil of “happiness and unicorns” in the land of the fairies. Muwahhhaaaaaaaa
I fucking loved this damn post.
Using obscene language is an artform that can only elevate those who use it correctly, for the correct situation at hand. Flinging about fucks and whores and bitches and shit and stuff on a random basis, lowers the standards, so to speak. One must sense when it is timely, to interject the obscenities, else they become, *yawn* not as effective.
I purposely ignore the friend requests from my husband’s side of the family. One member of his fine family (cough, not, cough) just can’t get it through her passive aggressive little pea brain that I will NOT friend her on Facebook, no, sorry, doesn’t matter what you say to my son on HIS facebook, about ME, his MOTHER, I will not relent. See–I don’t want to self-censor. Ever. So fuck off husband’s nephew’s wife, I don’t like you, I don’t like how you reference your kids (little bitty babies for gawds sake) on your own fucking facebook, your passive aggessive comments about ME have gotten back to me, and for god’s sake, quite asking MY son about ME. That’s just plain asswipe stupid.
Wow, that felt so much like an orgasm I can’t quite believe it.
Thank you Mary, for letting me say my piece here.
Closet cussers unite!
JG: thanks for a great guest post and for reminding me I need to use ‘rat bastard’ more often.
And readers? Come by anytime and curse your motherfucking heads off, dudes!
Ah, shit, yeah. PJ&C is the cussy place to be!
Damnnn straight.