Look, being a housewife sucks. Period. Don’t tell me about how cute the kids are when they sigh in their sleep, or how fast they grow and soon they’ll be gone and ‘you just wait’* and all that shit.

Before continuing to read this post, I command you (ooh! commanding is hot!) to watch this video (with a special HOLLAH to my high school pal JennF, an alert reader who brought it to my attention on Facebook- thanks JF!):

(If the buffering is annoying go watch it directly on Youtube)

This is comedian Sally Brooks. She is hilarious, and I guarantee you will be back to watch the video again!
I was lucky enough to ‘tweet up’ with Sally on twitter and we are like BFFs now she agreed to an interview.

Meet Sally!

@marymac:  Have you ever seen the Saturday Night Live skits where Chris Farley interviews a celebrity and he just keeps quoting back to them from their own movies, saying “Remember when you…” and then says “That was awesome.” But he never actually asks them a question?

@thesallybrooks:  Uh huh…

MM: Yeah, this interview is going to be like that. Remember in your video when you said “Chill little bitches mommy’s got to pee?” That was awesome.

SB:  Thanks!  At that point in the video you can see the ugliest room in my house- peach floor to ceiling tiled bathroom, complete with peach sink, toilet, and Jacuzzi tub.  Classy with a capital C…kinda like calling small children “little bitches”.

MM: So tell us where you’re from and shit and like why you live in Hungary the country. Did you get kicked out of the USA or what?

SB:  I wish!  That would make a much better story.   Nope, the move was my husband’s fault.  He’s a badass who had to go and get a Fulbright fellowship to teach in Hungary for the year, so that’s why we’re here.  But for the past 6 years, we lived in Cincinnati, Ohio, which is where I really got into stand-up and, of course, the suburban rap scene (most people don’t know this, but Cincinnati is a hotbed of suburban housewife rapping).

MM:  I have noticed you thank God before you perform. But then you curse like a motherfucking sailor, which might make the baby Jesus cry. How do you resolve this moral dichotomy?

SB:  The baby Jesus loves everyone, even motherfucking sailors.  Or maybe that was the baby cheeses…  Shit, what was the question?

Intermission: GO WATCH HER OTHER VIDEO!!

(or watch it directly on Youtube)

MM: Your Suburban Housewife character’s name is Suzy Jenkins, and she lives in a cookie cutter subdivision and is a soccer mom. Where did you get the inspiration for this, and do you hate cookie cutter subdivision soccer moms as much as I do? Because that? Rocks.

SB:  I think Suzy is like a lot of women I know, who outwardly live a very cookie cutter life, but are true shit kickers on the inside.   I read a bunch of “mommy blogs” (do we hate that term yet?), and a lot of these moms are way more irreverent and hilarious than Suzy.  I just put it to music.  Plus, being Suzy lets me combine my three secret loves: old school rap, cussing, and wearing sweaters over my shoulders.

MM: We do hate that motherfucking term, yes, actually. Your videos are so hilarious. I now sing “Oxycontin washed down with Jack D, put it in a cup- it looks like iced tea” when one of my kids asks me what I want to drink with dinner. Am I doing it again, the not asking a question thing?

SB:  It’s cool, dude, it’s cool.

MM: Your advice to mothers with regard to children is to ‘scold ‘em, scold ‘em.’ Do you get a lot of crap for that attitude? I’m a scolder, myself.

SB: I got a lot more crap for the original lyrics, “scald ‘em, scald ‘em.”

MM: Speaking of shit we aren’t supposed to do as moms, have you gotten any flak for the whole drinking-on-the-motherhood-job joke thing? Like when some dumb bitches actually think you go around drinking all day while you’re raising your kids? Also, do you need me and my readers to come kick some of their condescending, humorless asses? Cause we totally will.

SB: I do get the occasional comment on Youtube from people who take the video literally.  Every time I want to track them down, shake their shoulders, and yell “IT’S A FUCKING JOKE!”  But that seems impractical, so instead I just make fun of them on twitter.   A sample tweet:

This from Mr5Webster “How very sad, I am sadden by her sence of humor.”

Oh, Mr5Webster. I am sadden by your sence of spelling. #itisaJOKE

MM:  Your second video “Suburban Housewife Weekend Rap” also rocks my socks (or slippers, which is what we wear here at Pajamas and Coffee while in our PJs drinking coffee mother’s cure). Remember when you said
“Assholes at the HOA?” That was awesome.

SB:  You’re nice.  My husband is demanding I tell you that he actually came up with that line.  The inspiration came from some friends who had a year long fight with their Homeowners’ group about whether they could put up a fence.  In retaliation, when the rest of the neighborhood put up matching red and white Christmas lights, my friends put up the most obnoxious green and purple lights they could find.  Fucking rebels.

MM: Oops, I forgot to ask a question again. Sorry!

SB:  And yet I still managed to supply an entire paragraph in response.  Maybe it is me who should be sorry.

MM: Don’t be sorry. I’m douchetastical. Your husband sings in the new video! Does he really sit around with his hand in his pants all day?

SB: No, he actually has an aversion to wearing pants at all.  As soon as he walks in the door, he strips down to his underwear.  If I’m bringing home company he’s not expecting I have to call ahead to make sure we don’t walk in to him lying on the couch in his boxers.

MM: Awesome. “Ain’t no party like a suburbs party cause a suburbs party ends at nine” is also stuck in my head now.

SB:  Boom.  Gotcha.

MM: I’m not sure if I told you, but I’m a really sucky interviewer. OMG if you ever need a blogger in your video you should totally tweet me up. Let’s see, a question, right…how bout…um, I know! What’s next for Suzy Jenkins and her badass band of bards?

SB: You’re first on my list!  As for Suzy, I’m working on two more videos- one all about life after kids and the other about girls’ night out.  If your readers have any thoughts on these topics, they should email me (sallybrookscomedy@yahoo.com)!   And I’m hoping to have Suburban Housewife t-shirts available soon.

I also have a couple of non-Suzy projects in the works- like an upcoming web series about my three ill-advised lower back tattoos who fight crime, titled “Backstory”.

MM: I totally want a t-shirt. Also? You should totally have the guy rubbing his tummy on your car window in the next video, cause that shit was hot.

SB:  Two things: First, my brother now owns that car and I think he was traumatized when he saw what was happening to his car in the video.  And second, the shirtless guy is comedian Ryan Fohl.  He’s super funny, as are all the guys in the original video: Ryan Singer (the genius who directed the video and can be seen looking super hot in the carwash scenes with his belly shirt and cut-off jean shorts), Mike Cody, Dave Waite, Reid Faylor, and Alex Stone.  I highly recommend checking out their stuff if you like to laugh.

MM: I love them, I love to laugh, and I love you, Sally Suzy. Thank you for stopping by Pajamas and Coffee. We can’t wait to see your tramp stamps. You? Rock, dude.

SB: It was my pleasure.  In honor of you, I completed this interview while in my pajamas, drinking coffee.  I did get a lot of stares seeing as it’s 2pm and I’m at a bar where I get free internet.  But whatever, the Hungarians don’t understand my sense of humor (and by sense of humor, I of course mean English).  Thanks!

Ok, PJ&Cers. How awesome is she? Even though she is my new best friend, you, too can go follow her on twitter (@thesallybrooks) so we can all stalk her together in perfect suburban housewife motherfucking harmony!

Thanks, Sally! Rock on witchyer bad self.

* I fucking hate ‘you just wait.’