I’m focusing on humor because I believe the world has enough gloom and doom in it, and that the internet needs more places where you can come simply to chill, and smile.

“ACTIVITIES” are, in the modern days of parenting, what we sign up our kids for because for some reason we are dissatisfied with our own upbringing, which included playing outside after school.

Every once in awhile I like to check out the keywords used to get people here to Pajamas and Coffee. Anddd, then I have to go wash my eyeballs.

Needless to say I prefer to work in a high-pay, low-effort environment where there are cookies,

Because, really? Would I do a post in which all the opinions weren’t mine and were like the opinion of some douchebag? No.

And that? Was how I spent my summer vacation. Taking pictures of lifeguard balls.

We love you, Sarah. Welcome Home!

My ass was COVERED in mosquito bites and I was worried about poison ivy on my hoo-ha, but luckily I escaped it (awkward explanation to a doctor much?!).

I decide if we see anyone, I will give people my best ‘witch lesbian on a picnic’ grin.

“Yeah, I’ll take a McCannibis with a side of Hash Brownies, dude, and can you supersize that?”

Today is my “blogoversary” which is a dorky word bloggers have for some reason invented because they think the word ‘birthday’ is broken.

Jesus only gives out the Pill and the high grade condoms.

I’m not abandoning you as the guy who knows everything Apple. But, I’m not going to lie to you. The longer you take, the better those bananas are looking, man.

…so my life is pretty much complete because I’ve essentially had a momentary but meaningful lesbian love affair with one of the funniest bloggers of all time.

Especially when she gave us humor writers the advice that ‘you guys need to use words like cunty and fucky more, and make up your own words and shit.’

There were many festivals and balls where the bloggers could raise chalices of grog and toast one another’s brilliance.

There was a rumor all the actual gays had left the party because ‘the breeders showed up and ruined it,’

I paid a homeless man to check out my tits.

“Loafing is the most productive part of a writer’s life.”

…and it will be over Sunday and the glass slipper stripper heels will be gone and I’ll be back in the pumpkinland, so indulge me.